Sunday, September 11, 2011

Trying to move on

It is very hard not to think about what life was and what it could have been. Many people say "live for the moment". Well guess what, I don't like this moment. So many people say "be blessed for what you have". Well guess what, many times it is hard to see past what I have lost.
However, I am getting better at moving on little by little. I have had such amazing support from my inner circle (parents and parent inlaws, siblings and sibling inlaw, step-daughter). I could not have gotten to this point without them. But now I have a new group of people who are helping me move forward and not be stuck in my history and my wish for the future. So many people talk about when I get better and when things go back to the usual. And while I thank all of you for caring enough to want that for me, I know that will never be a possibility. I am not that person anymore. Whether I like it or not, whether people understand or don't care; this illness (and that is putting it lightly) has changed my future. That is one of the hardest realities I have had to come to term with. An while some may want to offer up ideas that it is not true or not to give, I undertand that by admitting this I am showing what a fighter I am. My life won't be what it was, but whatever comes of it I will be happy with that.
I have to thank my friends in my cluster support group! They are so supportive and are helping me heal my heart even if I can't heal my head.
As I continue to work on this new lesson I will continue to try to breathe!