It is very hard not to think about what life was and what it could have been. Many people say "live for the moment". Well guess what, I don't like this moment. So many people say "be blessed for what you have". Well guess what, many times it is hard to see past what I have lost.
However, I am getting better at moving on little by little. I have had such amazing support from my inner circle (parents and parent inlaws, siblings and sibling inlaw, step-daughter). I could not have gotten to this point without them. But now I have a new group of people who are helping me move forward and not be stuck in my history and my wish for the future. So many people talk about when I get better and when things go back to the usual. And while I thank all of you for caring enough to want that for me, I know that will never be a possibility. I am not that person anymore. Whether I like it or not, whether people understand or don't care; this illness (and that is putting it lightly) has changed my future. That is one of the hardest realities I have had to come to term with. An while some may want to offer up ideas that it is not true or not to give, I undertand that by admitting this I am showing what a fighter I am. My life won't be what it was, but whatever comes of it I will be happy with that.
I have to thank my friends in my cluster support group! They are so supportive and are helping me heal my heart even if I can't heal my head.
As I continue to work on this new lesson I will continue to try to breathe!