Battling chronic illness all my life, left me with a clear understanding of smiling through the pain and never giving up. I lost all of that when I began suffering from Cluster Headaches. And I lost myself when my Cluster Headaches turned chronic and I developed Chronic Migraines also. I was hit so hard by a wave of depression that I lost my way. I could not figure out how to get my feet underneath me and stand up. This went on for two years. By the end of it I didn't even recognize myself.
See that's what is so hard about Chronic pain. It pulls at you, wears you down and then kicks you to make sure you're not able to get back up. This is why there is such a high frequency of suicide amoung those of us who suffer. Many of us hold out hope for that next day, next hour, next minute; but when those next moments only bring more pain it is hard to believe that waiting will help.
Someone once said; "suicide is a quick solution to a big problem." I believe this with everything I am. It happens in that one moment when hope does not win out. As a counselor my best solution is to keep a firm grasp on hope. Plan for those moments when you can't see through the clouds.
Some suggestions:
1) Create a safety plan- a safe place you can go, people you can call when you don't trust yourself.
2) When you're in a hopeful moment, write down all of the things you are happy about. This way when you feel lost you can remind yourself of the good in your life.
3) Keep emergency phone numbers on hand so you never have a reason not to call.
4) If all else fails; call 911 or go to the nearest emergency and tell anyone and everyone that you need help!
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