Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #13- What in Nature Brings you Hope

Day #13 Prompt- What in nature brings you hope: Tell us what things in nature bring you hope and why.

I find hope at the beach!!!  I love going to the beach in the evening and just walking.  It gives me time to talk to the person I'm with without distractions, or just enjoy the quiet.  Whether the sun is shining or there is a storm rolling in, the beach is always peaceful for me.  And peace=HOPE.

"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #12- "Birds of Hope" quote

Day #12 Prompt- "Birds of Hope" quote: Interpret the quote: tell us what the quote on the image below means to you.

To me, the quote means that I can find HOPE anywhere if I just relax, listen and look.  There is no secret to HOPE.  It's all about trusting that when I am at my worst and in my darkest place, hope will be right there, waiting for me to grab it. 

"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #11- Helping Others Hope

Day #11 Prompt- Helping others Hope: What do you do or say to help others have hope?

This is a tough prompt for me.  I found online support groups and organizations about 4 years ago.  Through both, I have met so many people who have taught me so much and helped me more than I could ever explain.  But I am unsure of what I do or say. 

I blog on and off to share my personal experiences with others.  I tend to do it so infrequently that I suspect I write more for myself than for others.  I try to share as much information as possible, to educate people.  And honestly, I just try to be genuine.  I try to let those who I come into contact with know that I really care and I really want to help.  If that is sharing a story with them or just offering a prayer, that is what I am here for.  For me, it was knowing I was not alone that gave me the hope I have today,  So I hope that I have been there for others when they felt all alone. 


"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #10- How Do You Find Hope on a Dark Day?

Day #10 Prompt-How do you find hope on a dark day?  Please write about any ways you have to find hope on a dark day.

I find hope on my darkest days through planning and being ready for the pain.  That may sound strange, but it is 100% true.  I never expected to find a day where I would not be able to manage my pain and move on.  When that day came, I was thrown to my knees and it took me two years to find my footing.  The pain was so bad that I immediately fell into a deep depression.  Since I was no longer working, I just didn't leave my house.  I gave up all hope for living life and just tried to exist. 

After going through a program for individuals with pain, I learned that the best way to make it through, to not lose my way and to hold on to hope; was to be realistic that the pain was going to be severe.  I learned how to plan for that pain and how to set myself up for the greatest success no matter where I am.  Having a plan of action allows me to find hope on my darkest day. 

At Home:
When I am at home I have a room that I can go to when the pain becomes intense.  This is a room where no one else HAS to be in, so I can have the needed privacy at any time.  In this room I keep my Iceman machine and my Celfaly.  I am also able to bring any meds that I may need with me without fear of just leaving meds around for anyone to get to.  I can curl up in my chair and have everything at my fingertips.  There is enough room in there to pace and my chair is big enough and comfortable enough to rock in without hurting myself.  There is also a treadmill and television in there for distraction purposes. 

Away from Home:
I am still very particular about who I will leave my home with.  I tend to have anxiety attacks, so I only go out with people who are understanding of this.  When I leave my home I carry a HUGE purse that I can pack with whatever I need to be ready to combat my pain at a moments notice.  I carry rescue medications with me, my Cefaly, a portable ice pack, and my Chill n' heat.  I also carry peppermint oil so I can use that when I come into contact with people who are wearing strong perfumes or colognes. 

For me planning really helps me keep myself and my pain in better control.  These items also are what I considerable my security items and give me HOPE to survive each attack. 

***I also want to mention what I have just started.  This item was recommended by a Teri Robert.  In the last few weeks I have started a gratitude journal.  I am trying to fill it each day with things I am grateful for.  So when I am in a moment of pain and losing hope, I can go back to that journal and remember that there is good in every day. 


"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #9- Hope Lets Us Win

Day #9 Prompt- Hope lets us win:  Watch and listen to the video below of Bran McKnight's son "Win," and share with us which of the lyrics you believe. 

To me the lyrics that stand out to me and that speak to me come at the end of the song. 

When it's all said and done
My once in a lifetime won't be back again
Now is the time
To take a stand
Here is my chance

For me, this statement is so true.  For so long I kept hoping for what I had to return.  If I could only get better.....
I can't keep living my life like that.  For me, my hope comes in making the most out of what I have today.  I don't work.  But there are so many more things that I can do to make my life matter.  Hoping on that one day when I will miraculously be all better so my life can start again is what was holding me back from living.  I have to find ways to make a difference today, tomorrow and the next day;  not sitting around wishing for what is no more. 

"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #8- Pets for Comfort and Hope

Day #8 Prompt- Pets for Comfort and Hope: If you have pets that help you keep hoping, tell us about them.  If not, tell us about something else that helps you keep hoping.

I am the proud mother of a furbaby cat named Tiger.  He was actually my husband's cat, so I adopted him when we got married.  I will tell you that the first few years with Tiger was pretty difficult, he did not appreciate my hubby bringing me home.  But things changed after I became sick and stopped working.  Eventually he became my shadow and my best friend.  We spend the day talking, arguing and eating!!!!  Whenever I have a bad attack or a bad day, he is right there to take care of me.  Sadly I must say that in the last few months he has become ill and I am now the one taking care of him.  My hope is that we still have tons more time together, but whatever happens, his love means the world to me!!!!!

"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #7- Activities/Hobbies that Build Hope

Prompt #7- Activities/Hobbies that build Hope: What activities or hobbies do you participate in that help build hope for you?

For me, anything that keeps me moving and thinking, gives me hope.  Some of what I love to do:
-Read
-Write
-Listen to music
-Complete puzzles
-Sudoku
-Walking
-Yoga
-Participate in support groups
-Spend time with family and friends

Since I stopped working, sometimes I find it tough to find a purpose.  In the past few years I've learned that my main purpose at this moment is to take care of myself.  So I try to balance what I enjoy doing with making sure I don't overdo any one thing.   


"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #6- Song of Hope

Day 6 Prompt- Song of Hope: What song gives you hope to hold, despite your Migraines or Headaches and how?

Music has many purposes for me as I move through my life with Cluster Headaches and Migraines.  When I am really in need of some HOPE I tend to listen to what I call anthem songs.  To me these are songs that fit the moment I am in and just make me want to sing at the top of my lungs (usually reserved for when I am home alone). 

Today I want to share two songs with you.  Each song speaks of a different time in these 5 1/2 years.

My First Song...... Sara Bareilles- Brave (live)

This song is so powerful to me because the words speak to the earlier days when my Cluster Headaches had taken over my life and I was unable to leave my home or even express to anyone how I was feeling.  I didn't hear this song until well after I made it through that period of my illness.  As soon as I heard the words, I thought to myself how honest they are. 

LYRICS:

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

See, in my life it didn't really matter what others said to me.  My inner voice was constantly beating me up.  To overcome this, I had to be brave enough to look at myself in the mirror and find the good in myself.  In the past, my self worth was always about my level of education and my career.  Once neither of those mattered I didn't know who I was anymore.  So I had to get out there and see what else the world had to offer. 



My Second Song.... Rachel Platten -Fight Song

This is a new song to me.  But the second I heard it, I knew it would quickly become my new anthem for where I am at this moment in my life and illnesses...

LYRICS:

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep
Everybody's worried about me
In too deep
Say I'm in too deep (in too deep)
And it's been two years
I miss my home
But there's a fire burning in my bones
And I still believe
Yeah I still believe

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong (I'll be strong)
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Now I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Whether I am fighting the pain, others' opinions or my own demons; this song speaks to how strong I am.  There are days where I don't know that I can make it through to another.  When those days come around, I put this song on and know that I have so much more fight in me!!!!

 

"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #5- Symbol of Hope

Day #5 Prompt- Symbol of Hope: What symbol helps give you hope for living with Migraine and Headache?

The symbol that helps give me hope for living with my Cluster Headaches and Migraines is personal to me.  A few years ago I received a gift from my sister at a time when I was really in a difficult place with my pain and life.  I was trying at the time to hide my struggles as well as possible.  But my family is always able to see past that.  Below is the image of the necklace that my sister sent me.  On one side the charm says strength and on the other side it says courage.  So when I find myself struggling, I can either wear this necklace or just keep it close at hand. 

 

 

"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 



Migraine and Headache Awareness #4: Large Migraine and Headache Hopes

Day #4 Prompt: Large Migraine and Headache Hopes: What large thing gives you hope for living with Headaches and Migraines?

The large thing that gives me HOPE for living with my Cluster Headaches and Migraines is my family (parents, siblings, husband and stepdaughter).  Over the last 5 1/2 years my life has changed so drastically.  Sometimes I look around and I can't believe that I am living this life.  I had big dreams!  Right at the time everything became so bad for me, I had just graduated with my Masters in Mental Health Counseling and got married.  It was at that point in my life where everything I had worked for was finally happening.  And then the next moment it all stopped.  I had to leave my job and my husband became my caretaker.  What a blow that did to me.  And I will be honest, I still struggle with the grief from 'what could have been'.  But through it all my family has supported me.  I live every day because of them.  I keep seeking out new treatments because of them.  And I find the bright side of things in life because of them. 
I hear so many people talk about living life for yourself.  I don't understand that.  When I couldn't see the other side of all of this, it was my family who lived for me, fought for me.  Now I live for them and fight for them.  It is because of my family that I have HOPE of living.  This life may not be what I envisioned, but with them by my side it's perfection. 


"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #3- Small Headache and Migraine Hopes

Day #3 Prompt: Small Headache and Migraine hopes:  What small thing gives you hope for living with Headaches and Migraines?

For me this prompt is an important one.  As one hits the level where their pain becomes chronic and debilitating, it is so easy to lose sight of HOPE.  There are moments when I am in the midst of severe pain where I can't see the other side of it.  Trying to think in that moment that this pain will end at some point and things will be good again, is just to overwhelming.  So in those moments I think of the small things.  If I can just think of one small thing in the moment that brings me happiness or HOPE, I can get to the other side. 

Here are some of my small things that give me HOPE:

-Getting out of bed
-A good night sleep
-A piece of chocolate
-Hearing my cat purr
-Getting through an attack without overdoing medications
-Taking a walk
-Having a good conversation with a family member
-Seeing my family smile
-Smiling myself
-Walking my stepdaughter to and from the bus stop
-Cleaning my house
-Talking with my fellow pain warriors
-Reading a book
-Doing a puzzle

The small things that give me HOPE are things that I used to take for granted.  If I can get up in the morning, then no matter what else happens that day, I am already a winner!!!  I have learned that Hope is only as far away as my last good memory!



"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine And Headache Awareness 2015 #2: Who Helps You Hope

Day #2 Prompt: Who helps you Hope? Which person in your life has helped you most to hold on to hope, despite your Migraines or Headaches and how?


It is hard to pick one person who has helped me most because I have such a great support system with my parents, siblings, and husband.  But if I had to pick one person in my life who has helped me hold onto my hope, it would have to be my dad.  When my Cluster Headaches and Migraines started taking over my life and I started seeking out treatments, it was my dad who began accompanying me to my doctors appointments.  In two years we traveled the state of Florida from Miami to Jacksonville looking for someone who could offer me some kind of relief. 

In the beginning, each new doctor held renewed hope for me.  I remember our visit to Shands in Jacksonville.  I know deep down that we all felt that this doctor was going to bring me an answer.  So my dad and I loaded up his car with all of my medication and my oxygen tank to make the 4 hour drive to Jacksonville.  My appointment with the doctor consisted of 30 minutes of him telling me that  he was not going to be of any help to me.  I walked out of that office, sat down next to my father and just cried.  I was so defeated and felt that I had let down my entire family.  The last thing I wanted to do was to return to reality.  Somehow my father could tell, instead of turning around for home, he treated me to a nice dinner and gave me the evening to get my head back on straight. 

My dad has laughed with me as I got 32 injections of Botox in my face and neck.  He has kept me company during countless hours in waiting rooms.  Most importantly, he has allowed me to lean on him during those moments when I begin to doubt that there is still a reason to hope.  My dad has always taught me that no matter how hard life gets, no matter how severe the pain is; just give it a moment and see what the next moment brings.  Through his support and encouragement, I can always find hope. 



"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #1- Favorite Hope Quote

Day #1 Prompt- Favorite Hope Quote: What's your favorite quote about hope, and how does it apply to your Headaches or Migraines?

"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all"    Emily Dickinson


Hope to me is the only reason that I am alive today.  The Emily Dickinson quote above reminds me each and every day how simple it is to live.  When I am tired from the countless doctor appointments, sick from the piles of medication, and annoyed by the lack of progress; I still have hope.  You see, I have heard too many times that a doctor doesn't know what to do with me.  I have been told over and over again that there aren't any current treatments that I can try right now.  And my body likes to send me not so subtle hints that I am pushing myself too hard.  People can disappoint me, doctors can avoid me and life can have bumps at every turn; but HOPE just is.  It exits in the darkest corners.  It soars to the highest points.  And it survives the most painful of days.



"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

4 Years of Lessons

"Courage is found in unlikely places."  -J.R.R. Tolkien

 

 

Almost five years ago I was diagnosed with Cluster Headaches (The Beast).  Four years ago today I was forced out of my fulltime job as a mental health counselor due to the chronic pain of The Beast.  November 8, 2010 my world was rocked.  I never understood how much of ME was defined by my work.  It took me a long time to find my place in the world, being a mental health counselor was it.  No one could tell me that I wasn't good at what I did.  And walking away from it that day was completely devastating.  I fought with my devastation for a long time.  There are still days that I am smacked in the face by it.  Not a day goes by that I don't fight to get back to it.  Sitting here now I have tears in my eyes as I mourn what was.....

 

 

While I do allow myself time to mourn what was, I no longer punish myself for what isn't.  That sounds strange.  Why would I punish myself for a situation  I had no control over?  See that's just it, for so long I believed that if I had just tried harder I could have pushed through the pain.  It has taken me a long time to understand that I gave work my all, right up until the day I walked away from it to take care of myself.

 

 

Through these last four years I have realized for the first time in my life how strong I am.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't fight for each moment I am living life.  I accept small wins as big accomplishments.  I find a way to make a difference, even if no one else realizes it.  And I allow myself to be who I am.  I am not perfect.  I make mistakes.  There are days that the only thing I can do is get out of bed only to move to my chair, and in my world, that is OK.  I have found others who also battle The Beast and understand exactly how devastating all of this can be.  I am here today, with an amazing family who has cheered for me when I'm struggling, fought for me when I can't and put me back on track when I have veered to far off course.  For all of these things I am one lucky lady.  Today I celebrate all that I have gained in the last four years. 





Migraine & Headache Awareness Month 2014 #5- Not Just a Fairy Tale Anymore...

Day #5 prompt: The fairy tale or character that best describes you.  Tell us why

Ok.  This answer will bring about a chuckle and probably a few jokes from some of you (Aimee)...  But to me this fairy tale says it all.  When I think about what fairy tale that best describes me I think of Hans Christian Andersen's The Ugly Duckling.  (Ok- insert joke and laughing here)

I actually identify with this fairy take not in the traditional sense- the ugly duckling who doesn't belong becomes a beautiful swan.  The way I see it is that The Beast (Cluster Headache Attack) changes me from who I am into something very ugly.  

Many people think of migraine or headache and they think of going to a dark, silent room and retreating until the pain is gone (for hours or days).  With Cluster Headaches comes aggravation, agitation and the desire to put your head through a wall or window.  People with Cluster Headaches have been known to seek other forms of pain during an attack to find some kind of relief from the attack.  When I am in a massive attack I have been known to scream, sob uncontrollably, hit my head against any object that will not break (and some that will).  I do not want to be touched, talked to or looked at.  Any number of insults, curse words and threats can come spewing from my mouth.  An attack is a VERY ugly thing to see and a big reason why I hide myself from everyone.  

Migraine & Headache Awareness Awareness Month 2014 #4- A New Me

Day 4 prompt: Maya Angelou recited her poem "Still I Rise"

I hope you take the time to listen to Maya Angelou recite her poem before or after you read this post....

This poem brings me to tears every time I listen to it.  To me it makes me think of two areas of my life; my battle with The Beast and my battle with perception- mine and others.

For those of you who have read earlier posts of mine, you know that when I speak of The Beast I am talking about my Cluster Headaches. This is my monster that haunts me every day.  This is my pain that is so severe I believe I am dying or wishing I would.  The Beast has made me question my belief in God at times, my will to live and my ability to keep pushing forward.  The Beast has made me feel rage, depressed and alone.  The Beast has changed my reality.  But The Beast has not won.  I am still alive, loved and determined.  I have experienced one of the most painful conditions known to medical science and lived to talk about it.  While The Beast wakes me up every morning and keeps me from sleep every night it has not taken my dreams or hope from me.  The Beast has made me more patient, more compassionate, and stronger than I ever knew was possible.  The Beast has rattled me but it has not won!

One of the hardest things about being a chronic Cluster Head is accepting MY limitations.  It took me a long time to learn what those were and to live despite them.  It also took me a long time to understand that I am the only one who truly knows what those are.  For years I let others tell me what they were.  I let others tell me when I should stop working.  I let others determine my course of treatment.  I let others define what disabled meant to me.  And I let others tell me how I should feel.  It took me a long time to wake up and realize that only I could do these things for me.  Please don't get me wrong, my immediate family has NEVER done any of the above, but I did allow many other people to have too much control for way to long.  Most did it with the best intentions, but not always in my best interest.  I learned the hard way who trusted me to be exactly who I needed to be.  It took me a long time to see power when I looked at myself in the mirror.  Now that I found it, I will never give it away again!!!!

Migraine & Headache Awareness Month 2014 #3- What dreams?!

Day #3 prompt: Tell us about a recurrent dream and what it might say about, or mean to your diagnosis.

This is a pretty easy blog for me to write....

I do not have a recurrent dream because I do not sleep on a regular basis.  Cluster Headaches bring daily attacks.  For me my night time attack is at 3:30am.  Even if I am lucky enough to skip my nightly attack, my body still wakes itself up at 3:29am daily.  I am not sure if this has become my body's defense mechanism or what.  I get in patterns where I have a tendency not to try to fall asleep before my nightly attack.  I keep convincing myself that if I can just prepare myself it will get easier; it hasn't.  I did take sleeping pills for years to just calm down enough to fall asleep, but even those did not keep me from being ripped awake by my 3:30am monster.  Eventually my body became used to the pills and no longer worked.  I currently use meditation, biofeedback and yoga to try to help me relax.  Needless to say I spend most nights out on the couch so I don't keep my very loving husband awake!

Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #2- Hope

Day # 2 prompt (and forgive me but I have fallen behind due to attacks) is read the poem A Bed of Clouds by Ashley L. May and write what it brings to mind for you.  

The poem begins:

I sleep in the clouds, dream in the sky, I'll keep dreaming as life passes me by.

I think my dreams keep me sane, I dream of happiness, a life without pain...

I hope that everyone takes the time to read this poem before or after you read this post.  

For me it is a very fine line between dreaming and living a lie.  I spent the first year after my Cluster Headache diagnosis pushing forward.  In my mind, if I ran fast enough I would be able to outrun what was happening to me.  I learned all to quickly that my pain was way faster than I could ever be.  When I finally stopped running and faced myself I didn't know where to go or what to do.  I spent almost two years of my life living in denial, believing that tomorrow would return me to my "normal" self.  Those two years only lead me into a deep depression that I almost didn't come out of.  I shut myself in my home, away from family and friends.  I decided that I had to live up to my label of disabled, which to me meant that happiness was not okay.  I kept telling others that this would not last forever, while secretly knowing that my life was over.

I wish I could tell you what pulled me from my nightmare, but to this day I am not sure.  I know that my family played a HUGE role, as well as a support group I found online.  My family let me know that I may not be able to run faster than my pain, but they are here to carry me when I can't run any further.  My support group showed me that I was not alone in my pain.  I was also lucky enough to find a doctor who cares about me and hasn't given up on me.  She recently told my husband and my father that I am "the model patient, I do everything I can to try to get better".  I wear that compliment as my badge!!!  To me hope/dream are one in the same.  I do not accept that where I am is where I will always be.  

Migraine & Headache Awareness Month 2014- #1 What If......

It’s been said that patients who are able to talk about what they would do without their Headache or Migraine, tend to be less depressed and more hopeful. Some patients have lost the ability to dream about their lives without the present taking hold and destroying their ability to dream of something better.  

"What would you do if your dream of a pain and a completely symptom free life, came true?” 

This years blog theme 'Dreaming of a World without Headache & Migraine' is a tough one.  As a little girl I was taught to never give up, dream big, anything is possible.  As an adult, I have learned the cruel reality that dreams don't always come true.  That hard work doesn't always pay off.  And that some things just aren't possible.  I don't mean to come off as negative, I have just learned that while I can control the way I react to life; I can't always control life.  

I have struggled for the last 5 years to stop wishing for what my life used to be and to not hope for things outside of my reach.  I try to face every day as a new opportunity within itself.  I wake up each morning to meet who I will be that day.  This is the way I seem to be most successful at keeping the dreaded depression at bay.  

When I first read the theme for this years blog challenge I considered sitting out because dreaming tends to lead me to more pain.  But at this point I am up for anything.....

If I could wake up tomorrow and I was completely pain free and symptom free I would join the land of the living again.  I would make plans more than 2 hours ahead of time.  I would go and get a job and work towards achieving my license in Mental Health Counseling.  I would spend as much time with my family and friends just enjoying life.  And I would try to have a baby.  

That being said, if I wake up tomorrow and my dreams do not come true, I will continue to grasp every bit of hope I can find to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I will continue to be thankful for those who support me.  I will keep looking for the lesson I am supposed to be learning.  

October 2013 Headache Disorder & Migraine Blog Carnival

 

I am excited to be hosting the October 2013 Headache Disorder & Migraine Blog Carnival.  I would like to thank Diana Lee from Somebodyhealme.com for extending this opportunity to me.  She has been hosting this blog carnival since 2007.  This months topic is Migraine Horror Story?:  How has living with Migraine changed you?

 

I would like to thank all of those who participated in this month’s blog carnival.  All of the entries are very honest and heartfelt. 

 

Emily of Migrainista shares her inner monster with all of you in her post The Monster Inside Me. 

 

Candy Meacham of Art of Migraine gives us a look at her life as her migraines changed from episodic to chronic in her post Who Am I now?.

 

Jaime M. Sanders of The Migraine Diva shares with us how isolating suffering from migraines can be in her post How Migraines Changed Me.

 

My submission The Beast left me disabled and lost can be found here at My life with The Beast.  My submission explains my horrors and understanding I found through living with chronic migraines and cluster headaches. 

 

 

November 2013 Headache Disorders & Migraine Blog Carnival Theme is:

Your favorite Headache Disorders related blog post since the last carnival.

 

Submission are due by midnight (the end of day) Friday November 8, 2013 and will be published Monday, November 11, 2013 by Somebody Heal me.  Submit links to somebodyhealme@gmail.com