I have always been the type of preson who is not big on surprises!!!! I like to know what life has to offer and make the decision on how to proceed. In my new life, I am learning that I have very little control over anything. I spend my day at the will of the Clusters. I can't workout when I want, go where I want, see people that I want. I would have never thought that something so small as a "headache" could take over my entire existence.
Last week I was supposed to go see a new doctor. I was SO excited, maybe after a year and a half I would finally get someone to help me. I was anxious also. There is a double edge sword in this whole process. I want to find something that will make me better, but all of the things I have tried have not worked to date. So I am anxious, am I walking into another medicine or procedure that will not work? I am also anxious about if I do find something that works!!! There are so many unanswered questions about my future. If I get better will I stay better? Will I be able to make a life for myself again? The unknown is very scary. BUT I don't have to worry about that at this moment! Why you ask; well my new doctor appointment was rescheduled for over 3 weeks away. Now I know many say that 3 weeks is not that bad when I have been waiting so long; to me it is a lifetime! I cried like a baby- I mean ugly crying so loud that I think my neighbors heard. That time table, 3 more weeks, is 3 more weeks that I am at the mercy of the Cluster. I am trying to put things into perspective and understand that I am just not in control!!! For now I am just trying to breathe.....
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