2001: A Space Odyssey: "I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do."
Write a letter to a fictional Headache Disorders patient encouraging that person to be kind to him or herself. Use the ways you're too hard on yourself as an inspiration.
Dear ------,
I am so sorry that you have finally come up against a Beast like no other. I know that throughout your life you have probably conquered so many forms of pain that you never imagined that anything could stop you. I am asking that you just take a moment and breathe. Clear your head and prepare yourself for the fight of your life. There are going to be days where you may not believe that you can get through it or that you may not want to; I am here to tell you that you are stronger than you think.
The first thing you need to do is take an inventory of those who are in your life. Understand that many will walk out on you when you need them the most; not because they don't care, but because they do. It is hard to see someone you care about suffer. Understand that forgiveness will be needed through this process. In the end, many of the people who left you will come back. Let them in and take the love and support that they can give.
The family and friends who stand by you need patience. You need to cherish those relationships even when you are at your worst. There are going to be times when you are angry at the world. Please be careful not to take this out on them. Don't take them for granted. Know that when you hurt they hurt. And have faith that they still see you as the amazing person you once were; they probably see it better than you do.
Second, be patient with yourself. I have an eight year old daughter who gets frustrated when things get to hard. Many times she wants to walk away if she can't do it right the first time. This tends to scare me; no one should ever give up. But then I stop and think about myself. There have been days when I have not given myself the patience to try again. Learning to live with chronic pain is a daily battle; one that you will not conquer your first time out. So don't give up. When you see others in pain who are still working, having children or driving; don't get mad with yourself. Take a moment and remember that in this moment you are doing the best that you can. Maybe one day you will be able to do more; but until that day comes accept where you are at.
Third, remember how wonderful you are. Chronic Migraines and Chronic Clusters are going to take your self esteem, your independence and attack your self worth at one point or another. The medications you take will make you tired, forgetful and have you gaining weight. The surgeries you try will sometimes make things worse. It is at this point that you have to do what it takes to remember who you are. Migraines and Headache Disorders will start to become who you are. Fight this. Be more than your disability. You may never be able to work again, don't let that stop you from hoping. Don't ever give up on fighting for the person you are and the person you want to be. Maybe you won't ever get there, but if you stop fighting you know getting there is not even an option. Leave yourself open for options.
And lastly, don't live by the judgements of others. I have tried to hide my pain because showing it is scary to myself and others. I have attempted to live the life that others think a disabled person should live. I have beat myself up because people do not understand. STOP DOING THIS!!!!! The only people who truly know what you are going through is you and other sufferers. I am lucky to have a family who loves me and tries harder than I think I could to understand and support me. But at the end of the day, even they can't know it all. Be okay with that. Don't ever wish for someone to understand what you are going through. To wish that would be to wish this pain on them. Be happy that others support you and those who don't, let them live there life.
It kills me to know that you understand my pain. I wish you didn't. But since you do, we are now family. We will conquer The Beast together.
Love
Casey
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #29 Misfits
If you live with Chronic Migraine, incorporate it into today's post...
Chronic Migraine is defined as suffering 15 or more migraines days in a month.
Chronic Cluster Headaches is defined as suffering 1 year without a remission period or remission periods lasting less than 1 month.
I am not sure how to write this post since the majority of time I do not feel that I am living with my Chronic Migraines or Chronic Clusters. I am still at that stage of learning how to do that. Maybe that is what makes me a Misfit today..... that I do not yet have the answer as to how to live with them.
Prior to my Cluster attacks, I was living with my Chronic migraines by using abortive medications and by pushing through. At times it was a welcome distraction to have the responsibilities of work. I could compartmentalize my pain while I was helping others deal with their struggles. But once my Clusters hit and when they became Chronic my life quickly stopped. I stopped working, driving, and socializing. I fell into a depression that I could not see my way out of. But then my doctor intervened and had me participate in a week long Headache Clinic where I learned valuable skills to begin living with my chronic pain. I have to admit that since April of 2012 I have started to put one foot in front of the other. But it is a slow process and I am still learning to walk.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Chronic Migraine is defined as suffering 15 or more migraines days in a month.
Chronic Cluster Headaches is defined as suffering 1 year without a remission period or remission periods lasting less than 1 month.
I am not sure how to write this post since the majority of time I do not feel that I am living with my Chronic Migraines or Chronic Clusters. I am still at that stage of learning how to do that. Maybe that is what makes me a Misfit today..... that I do not yet have the answer as to how to live with them.
Prior to my Cluster attacks, I was living with my Chronic migraines by using abortive medications and by pushing through. At times it was a welcome distraction to have the responsibilities of work. I could compartmentalize my pain while I was helping others deal with their struggles. But once my Clusters hit and when they became Chronic my life quickly stopped. I stopped working, driving, and socializing. I fell into a depression that I could not see my way out of. But then my doctor intervened and had me participate in a week long Headache Clinic where I learned valuable skills to begin living with my chronic pain. I have to admit that since April of 2012 I have started to put one foot in front of the other. But it is a slow process and I am still learning to walk.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #28 Saturday Night Live
How does humor help you cope?
I think there comes a time when I just need to laugh. On a daily basis I am dealing with pain, frustration and boredom. So it is always nice when I can break up the usual with some humor. For that I tend to turn to my family and friends. It is nice when I can take a break from the seriousness and just act silly. We can joke about my pain and at times the humor helps me take back some control. The Beast doesn't seem so scary when I can turn it into a joke!!!!
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
I think there comes a time when I just need to laugh. On a daily basis I am dealing with pain, frustration and boredom. So it is always nice when I can break up the usual with some humor. For that I tend to turn to my family and friends. It is nice when I can take a break from the seriousness and just act silly. We can joke about my pain and at times the humor helps me take back some control. The Beast doesn't seem so scary when I can turn it into a joke!!!!
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #27- Anger management: Goosefrabba
How do you constructively deal with the anger and resentment that arises as a result of living wit Migraine/Headache Disorders?
When my Chroinc Clusters first began in November 2009, I dealt with the pain and the emotions caused from it by working. While I struggled with work, it was a good distraction. When working got to be too much for me and I left in 2010, my coping skills were not enough to get me through for very long. For two years I spent life in a fog; not from medications or pain; but from my inability to deal with my life. What I struggled to deal with was how overwhelming all of the fall out from constant pain is. In an instant I didn't just have to learn how to carry myself through my pain, I also had to deal with losing my identity (leaving work and not driving), having a massive hit to my self esteem and my constant need to explain my pain to others so they would understand my choices.
It wasn't until 2012 that I spent time at Tampa General going through the Headache & Chronic Pain Clinic that I learned how to better cope with everything that comes along with chronic pain. I learned to take every day as a new day with new possibilities. I began to understand that I didn't have to fight everything at once. I could live in the moment and then take on a new moment. I found new faith in myself as a productive member of society, even if I am not contributing in the way that I want. And I spent a week with a physcial therapist who helped me find ways to make myself healthier; in the end, helping with mangaing my Cluster Headaches, Migraines, Daily Intractable Headaches and the chronic pain that comes from it all.
I will admit that I am not perfect when it comes to dealing with my emotions; especially anger and resentment. I am very sensitive, I tend to overreact to situations and it is hard on a daily basis to not let the emotions from my Migraines & Cluster Headaches/Headaches spill into all other experiences. When this happens I turn to my family. They are the ones I know will tell me the truth, let me have my breakdown and support me as I find my way back to sanity. You see, I am not the only one who has to deal with the emotional fall out from my pain. My life has changed, but with it, I take everyone else in my life on this journey. It is unfair, but I don't know how to seperate my pain from my life; therefore, I am unable to seperate it from my daily interactions. I could not do it without the support of my family.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
When my Chroinc Clusters first began in November 2009, I dealt with the pain and the emotions caused from it by working. While I struggled with work, it was a good distraction. When working got to be too much for me and I left in 2010, my coping skills were not enough to get me through for very long. For two years I spent life in a fog; not from medications or pain; but from my inability to deal with my life. What I struggled to deal with was how overwhelming all of the fall out from constant pain is. In an instant I didn't just have to learn how to carry myself through my pain, I also had to deal with losing my identity (leaving work and not driving), having a massive hit to my self esteem and my constant need to explain my pain to others so they would understand my choices.
It wasn't until 2012 that I spent time at Tampa General going through the Headache & Chronic Pain Clinic that I learned how to better cope with everything that comes along with chronic pain. I learned to take every day as a new day with new possibilities. I began to understand that I didn't have to fight everything at once. I could live in the moment and then take on a new moment. I found new faith in myself as a productive member of society, even if I am not contributing in the way that I want. And I spent a week with a physcial therapist who helped me find ways to make myself healthier; in the end, helping with mangaing my Cluster Headaches, Migraines, Daily Intractable Headaches and the chronic pain that comes from it all.
I will admit that I am not perfect when it comes to dealing with my emotions; especially anger and resentment. I am very sensitive, I tend to overreact to situations and it is hard on a daily basis to not let the emotions from my Migraines & Cluster Headaches/Headaches spill into all other experiences. When this happens I turn to my family. They are the ones I know will tell me the truth, let me have my breakdown and support me as I find my way back to sanity. You see, I am not the only one who has to deal with the emotional fall out from my pain. My life has changed, but with it, I take everyone else in my life on this journey. It is unfair, but I don't know how to seperate my pain from my life; therefore, I am unable to seperate it from my daily interactions. I could not do it without the support of my family.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #26 Men in Black: Migraine Neuralizer
How do you cope with the way Migraine/Headache Disorders can impact our memories?
This prompt led me to look at this question in two different ways. I have included my thoughts on both......
One:
With Migraines and Headache Disorders comes treatments- LOTS OF TREATMENTS! With the treatments comes side-effects. Forgetfulness, fumbling of words and straight out memory loss are some big ones. When I was working I would struggle with this due to having to keep track of appointments, session notes and conversations. Initially, it seemed pretty easy to keep track of things; I just had to make sure I was diligent in keeping notes. While this added time to my day, in the end it was a huge help, so I didn't mind. But after a year of trying different meds and piling one medication on top of another, I got to the point that I did not know which way was up or down. There was a period when I first got out of the hospital after 4 days of constant IV meds that I knew I was about to hit my brick wall. My father was driving me to work, I would dose off without notice and I could barely see straight. It was at this point I knew something had to change; I couldn't live like this.
I would like to say that all of the medication were helping me. But they weren't. Instead I was just so discombobulated by the medication that I didn't care what I was going through. Four months later I made a decision to stop taking all of my medication and at least live in the real world. This soon meant leaving work due to the amount of pain I was suffering with. At that point I thought it would be easier to go forward in life, even if there were some long-term memory loss due to previous medications I had tried. While it is a bit more "acceptable" to suffer from my memory loss since I am not working, it is not any less annoying. So The best way I know to deal with it is to write everything down!!!!!!
Two:
Since my attacks hit what I consider my catastrophic level, my memories have been greatly impacted. Right before I started suffering from Chronic Cluster Headaches I celebrated two accomplishments in my life; graduating with my Masters Degree and getting married. In July 2009, I was in the clouds with all of my excitement. The life I had always dreamed about was finally beginning. Three months later I was hit with what felt like a semi truck and all of my memories changed. I have worked very hard to try to accept who I am, at this moment, and not spend 24/7 dreaming of what I thought life would be like. But I have to admit that more times than not, I am stuck in the quicksand of 'what if''. My memories are now sad reminders of the person I used to be and they make me jealous for what I no longer have. Believe me when I say that everyday I work to be patient and understand that while I may not be who I always wanted to be; I am the best me that I can be today.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
This prompt led me to look at this question in two different ways. I have included my thoughts on both......
One:
With Migraines and Headache Disorders comes treatments- LOTS OF TREATMENTS! With the treatments comes side-effects. Forgetfulness, fumbling of words and straight out memory loss are some big ones. When I was working I would struggle with this due to having to keep track of appointments, session notes and conversations. Initially, it seemed pretty easy to keep track of things; I just had to make sure I was diligent in keeping notes. While this added time to my day, in the end it was a huge help, so I didn't mind. But after a year of trying different meds and piling one medication on top of another, I got to the point that I did not know which way was up or down. There was a period when I first got out of the hospital after 4 days of constant IV meds that I knew I was about to hit my brick wall. My father was driving me to work, I would dose off without notice and I could barely see straight. It was at this point I knew something had to change; I couldn't live like this.
I would like to say that all of the medication were helping me. But they weren't. Instead I was just so discombobulated by the medication that I didn't care what I was going through. Four months later I made a decision to stop taking all of my medication and at least live in the real world. This soon meant leaving work due to the amount of pain I was suffering with. At that point I thought it would be easier to go forward in life, even if there were some long-term memory loss due to previous medications I had tried. While it is a bit more "acceptable" to suffer from my memory loss since I am not working, it is not any less annoying. So The best way I know to deal with it is to write everything down!!!!!!
Two:
Since my attacks hit what I consider my catastrophic level, my memories have been greatly impacted. Right before I started suffering from Chronic Cluster Headaches I celebrated two accomplishments in my life; graduating with my Masters Degree and getting married. In July 2009, I was in the clouds with all of my excitement. The life I had always dreamed about was finally beginning. Three months later I was hit with what felt like a semi truck and all of my memories changed. I have worked very hard to try to accept who I am, at this moment, and not spend 24/7 dreaming of what I thought life would be like. But I have to admit that more times than not, I am stuck in the quicksand of 'what if''. My memories are now sad reminders of the person I used to be and they make me jealous for what I no longer have. Believe me when I say that everyday I work to be patient and understand that while I may not be who I always wanted to be; I am the best me that I can be today.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #25 Lincoln
Who's your favorite historical figure who lived with migraine or another Headache Disorder?
This is a hard one.... There are many people who are well known who suffer from Migraines.
Macia Cross (actress- Desperate housewives) is a migraine sufferer who speaks out about using Imitrex for migraine treatment.
Lisa Kudrow (actress- Friends) suffered from migraines as a child. Her father is a migraine specialist who started the use of lidocaine as a migraine treatment.
Virginia Madsen (actress- Sideways) uses Botox to treat her migraines.
Elvis Presley (come on now, we all know who he is) suffered from severe intractable migraines. Many of the drugs found in his system when he died are drugs that are known to treat migraines.........
But I would have to say that Terrel Davis (football player-Denver Broncos) is my top pick.
In the 1998 Super Bowl the Broncos went into the locker room leading at halftime. But one player had been sidelined in the second quarter due to a migraine attack- Terrel Davis. He actually thought he was going to have to sit out of the 2nd half due to the pain. However, the halftime show ended up being longer than usual, this gave him time to manage his attack. He went on to end the game with 157 yards rushing on 30 carries and 3 touchdowns.
This to me gives new meaning to just breathe!!!!!!
While I am a chronic migraine sufferer; I also suffer from intractable daily headaches and Cluster Headaches. Since my diagnosis I have done tons of research regarding Cluster Headaches and have been unsuccessful in finding prominent figures who have disclosed a diagnosis of Cluster Headaches. In 2012, Danial Radcliffe (actor- Harry Potter) admitted that he had to cancel some of his commitments due to suffering Cluster Attacks.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
This is a hard one.... There are many people who are well known who suffer from Migraines.
Macia Cross (actress- Desperate housewives) is a migraine sufferer who speaks out about using Imitrex for migraine treatment.
Lisa Kudrow (actress- Friends) suffered from migraines as a child. Her father is a migraine specialist who started the use of lidocaine as a migraine treatment.
Virginia Madsen (actress- Sideways) uses Botox to treat her migraines.
Elvis Presley (come on now, we all know who he is) suffered from severe intractable migraines. Many of the drugs found in his system when he died are drugs that are known to treat migraines.........
But I would have to say that Terrel Davis (football player-Denver Broncos) is my top pick.
In the 1998 Super Bowl the Broncos went into the locker room leading at halftime. But one player had been sidelined in the second quarter due to a migraine attack- Terrel Davis. He actually thought he was going to have to sit out of the 2nd half due to the pain. However, the halftime show ended up being longer than usual, this gave him time to manage his attack. He went on to end the game with 157 yards rushing on 30 carries and 3 touchdowns.
This to me gives new meaning to just breathe!!!!!!
While I am a chronic migraine sufferer; I also suffer from intractable daily headaches and Cluster Headaches. Since my diagnosis I have done tons of research regarding Cluster Headaches and have been unsuccessful in finding prominent figures who have disclosed a diagnosis of Cluster Headaches. In 2012, Danial Radcliffe (actor- Harry Potter) admitted that he had to cancel some of his commitments due to suffering Cluster Attacks.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #24 Risky Business
Each time you try a new treatment you take a risk. How do you initiate a discussion with your doctor so you can make an educated decision about trying it as a team?
I am all about open and honest communication with my doctor. I look for doctors who want to work with me and with my other doctors to find the best possible solution. I have had experiences in the past when I had a doctor who did not want to hear my opinions or ideas. I've also dealt with some doctors who don't want to work with my other treatment staff. Those are red flags that my best interest is not their concern.
Prior to any doctor visit I reach out and do research on possible treatments that I have not tried. When I am with my doctor I will bring up the treatments and get her opinion on them. Usually she will allow me to make the final decision on a treatment unless it is something that she 100% knows is not a good option for me (and usually I know this prior to walking in because of my research).
I know many people are afraid to take control of a doctor appointment, there are still many times when I feel overwhelmed and can get lost in an appointment. That is why I suggest that you always take someone with you. That way you can feel that you have some support on your side and when your brain is exploding; you have someone there to take notes.
Please know that in the end you are the one going through treatments. Relaxing and breathing are great when in an attack, but ignoring risks to possible treatments can prolong your pain!!!!!!
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Prior to any doctor visit I reach out and do research on possible treatments that I have not tried. When I am with my doctor I will bring up the treatments and get her opinion on them. Usually she will allow me to make the final decision on a treatment unless it is something that she 100% knows is not a good option for me (and usually I know this prior to walking in because of my research).
I know many people are afraid to take control of a doctor appointment, there are still many times when I feel overwhelmed and can get lost in an appointment. That is why I suggest that you always take someone with you. That way you can feel that you have some support on your side and when your brain is exploding; you have someone there to take notes.
Please know that in the end you are the one going through treatments. Relaxing and breathing are great when in an attack, but ignoring risks to possible treatments can prolong your pain!!!!!!
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #23 Bruce Almighty
How does spirituality and/or religion help you cope?
As far back as I can remember my mom has always told me "there is a reason for everything". I can honestly say that I believe that statement. To this day, I know that I would not be here without believing that GOD has a bigger plan for me. It may have nothing to do with what I want; remember, it's not supposed to be my plan. But through all of this I will come out the other side greater than where I began.
When I am in my moment of despair I always know it. I am laying on the floor of the shower; praying for GOD to just get me through that moment. Just one simple moment. I know not to ask for to much. My approach is get me through this moment and then we can see how things go.
Spirituality is my crutch. It helps me hobble through the mess. I hobble and breathe..............
Friday, June 21, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #22- Walk the Line
How do you balance the need to avoid your Migraine/Headache Disorder triggers with the equally powerful need to enjoy the things that give your life meaning?
I will admit that I am not good with this at all. The main way I find to deal with my triggers is to avoid them. What I mean is I completely avoid most things that bring meaning to my life.
I have spent the majority of the last three years at home. The first two years were due to my complete inability to deal with the pain and my embarrassment over others seeing me during an attack. The last year is due to knowing that I cannot always control my environment or my triggers when away from home. This is not how I want to live my life and am working hard at getting better at taking chances.
One of my easiest triggers to avoid is alcohol. I found that wine, beer and some liquor tend to send me right into an attack. SO I just don't drink. This is not a very difficult thing to manage. The only thing I really miss is the taste of beer and there is always O'Douls for that.
One of the hardest triggers to avoid is smells. I would like to say it is only perfumes or lotions that trigger attacks, but I am not that lucky. I am sensitive to strong food odor, outdoor smells like grill smells and even some doctors offices are too much to handle due to the disinfectants that they use. While I think of myself as a VIP; I have still not mastered the art of having every place I go odor free.
The pain is what really keeps me from life. I don't understand all of my triggers and many times the attacks seem to come without any rhyme or reason. Due to this I tend to hide out. If you have never seen a Cluster Attack you should check them out on YouTube. When I have an attack of the Beast, I am scary. If the pain level rises to a 7 or above- WATCH OUT!!! There is no relaxing or hiding at that point. They can be very embarrassing and even scary. It has only been in the last year that I have learned how to use relaxation techniques to help me cope. But there is never a guarantee that I can get control of an attack before it spins out of control. This is not something that I am interested in letting the whole world see. It leaves me feeling very vulnerable.
So I hide out and keep breathing.....hopefully not for good!
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
I will admit that I am not good with this at all. The main way I find to deal with my triggers is to avoid them. What I mean is I completely avoid most things that bring meaning to my life.
I have spent the majority of the last three years at home. The first two years were due to my complete inability to deal with the pain and my embarrassment over others seeing me during an attack. The last year is due to knowing that I cannot always control my environment or my triggers when away from home. This is not how I want to live my life and am working hard at getting better at taking chances.
One of my easiest triggers to avoid is alcohol. I found that wine, beer and some liquor tend to send me right into an attack. SO I just don't drink. This is not a very difficult thing to manage. The only thing I really miss is the taste of beer and there is always O'Douls for that.
One of the hardest triggers to avoid is smells. I would like to say it is only perfumes or lotions that trigger attacks, but I am not that lucky. I am sensitive to strong food odor, outdoor smells like grill smells and even some doctors offices are too much to handle due to the disinfectants that they use. While I think of myself as a VIP; I have still not mastered the art of having every place I go odor free.
The pain is what really keeps me from life. I don't understand all of my triggers and many times the attacks seem to come without any rhyme or reason. Due to this I tend to hide out. If you have never seen a Cluster Attack you should check them out on YouTube. When I have an attack of the Beast, I am scary. If the pain level rises to a 7 or above- WATCH OUT!!! There is no relaxing or hiding at that point. They can be very embarrassing and even scary. It has only been in the last year that I have learned how to use relaxation techniques to help me cope. But there is never a guarantee that I can get control of an attack before it spins out of control. This is not something that I am interested in letting the whole world see. It leaves me feeling very vulnerable.
So I hide out and keep breathing.....hopefully not for good!
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Migraine & Awareness Month #21- Oblivion
I am not a sci-fi fan, so I had to look into what the movie Oblivion was all about to understand where to go with this post. The shortest explanation I can give is:
The earth was invaded by aliens and almost destroyed the earth. Memories were wiped and people had to fight to save humankind. In the end, part of the earth is recovered and the aliens are defeated.....Hopefully that is correct and makes sense.
The way that I relate this story to my life is through my battle of the Beast. I have dealt with and conquered many health problems in my 36 years. However, from my first Cluster Attack I knew that this would be different. This was a pain that went straight to the core of me, leaving me to wonder how I was still alive. To survive I have had to use all of the resources I have and look outside myself for more. Each day I wake up not knowing what will come or how I will face it. I have had to get creative in my battles and at times have had to wave the white flag at the Beast. To this day I have not regained back my life, but I am living more than I was at the beginning of the attacks. My hope is to one day either conquer the Beast or at least find a way to coexist with it.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
The earth was invaded by aliens and almost destroyed the earth. Memories were wiped and people had to fight to save humankind. In the end, part of the earth is recovered and the aliens are defeated.....Hopefully that is correct and makes sense.
The way that I relate this story to my life is through my battle of the Beast. I have dealt with and conquered many health problems in my 36 years. However, from my first Cluster Attack I knew that this would be different. This was a pain that went straight to the core of me, leaving me to wonder how I was still alive. To survive I have had to use all of the resources I have and look outside myself for more. Each day I wake up not knowing what will come or how I will face it. I have had to get creative in my battles and at times have had to wave the white flag at the Beast. To this day I have not regained back my life, but I am living more than I was at the beginning of the attacks. My hope is to one day either conquer the Beast or at least find a way to coexist with it.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Migraine & Headache Awareness #20-Star Trek: Generations
What role do Migraine/Headache Disorders play in your family? Do others live with it? Does this make a difference in how you talk about it?
I have suffered from headaches since I was around 12 years old. Growing up it was not anything that I really discussed with my family, it just was a part of life. I was diagnosed with Migraines at age 18, Chronic Daily Headaches at age 29 and Chronic Migraines and Cluster Headaches at age 33. Throughout each diagnosis my family has been very involved in helping me research what I was experiencing and forms of treatment. Throughout the years my parents and sister have experienced Headaches and Migraines, but no formal diagnoses were ever made that I am aware of. The fact that they have not been diagnosed has never impeded their ability to try to understand my experiences or to support me when needed.
It was my parents who would try to help me when I was younger when I started suffering from headaches. Even prior to my first diagnosis, they were always supportive. Constantly searching for answers on how to help me. That has never changed. To this day, my parents attend the majority of my appointments with me, voice opinions when they are concerned about the treatment I am receiving and help me make choices on how to best attack the Beast.
My sister received the phone call during my first ever Cluster Attack. I thought I was going to die. She talked me through it and then helped me research what I was experiencing. She has been very helpful with searching for different forms of treatments to discuss with my doctors.
My brother has added humor since childhood. He took a scolding from a doctor when he responded to the doctor's question of "What should we do with you?" with saying VAPORIZE HER. He tried a sugar free diet with me as a child. And he listens to me when I am upset about how things are at this moment in my life.
I can honestly say that I do not know where I would be without my immediate family. I am one lucky girl. I know many others who suffer alone or in silence due to not having supportive people in their lives. My parents and sibling are just the beginning of the list of those who support me. Most of whom do not suffer from Migraines or Headaches on a regular basis.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
I have suffered from headaches since I was around 12 years old. Growing up it was not anything that I really discussed with my family, it just was a part of life. I was diagnosed with Migraines at age 18, Chronic Daily Headaches at age 29 and Chronic Migraines and Cluster Headaches at age 33. Throughout each diagnosis my family has been very involved in helping me research what I was experiencing and forms of treatment. Throughout the years my parents and sister have experienced Headaches and Migraines, but no formal diagnoses were ever made that I am aware of. The fact that they have not been diagnosed has never impeded their ability to try to understand my experiences or to support me when needed.
It was my parents who would try to help me when I was younger when I started suffering from headaches. Even prior to my first diagnosis, they were always supportive. Constantly searching for answers on how to help me. That has never changed. To this day, my parents attend the majority of my appointments with me, voice opinions when they are concerned about the treatment I am receiving and help me make choices on how to best attack the Beast.
My sister received the phone call during my first ever Cluster Attack. I thought I was going to die. She talked me through it and then helped me research what I was experiencing. She has been very helpful with searching for different forms of treatments to discuss with my doctors.
My brother has added humor since childhood. He took a scolding from a doctor when he responded to the doctor's question of "What should we do with you?" with saying VAPORIZE HER. He tried a sugar free diet with me as a child. And he listens to me when I am upset about how things are at this moment in my life.
I can honestly say that I do not know where I would be without my immediate family. I am one lucky girl. I know many others who suffer alone or in silence due to not having supportive people in their lives. My parents and sibling are just the beginning of the list of those who support me. Most of whom do not suffer from Migraines or Headaches on a regular basis.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #19- Eat Pray Love
Share your favorite Migraine Trigger-free recipe
As I have admitted before; I am an emotional eater. It is no surprise that when I am having horrible Migraine or Cluster Attacks I reach for food. I found this simple recipe on Piniterest...
Cool Whip Cookies (by Good yams on December 13, 2009 in Cookies, Desserts
Ingredients-
1 package (18.25 oz box) cake mix
1 cup cool whip
1 whole large egg
1 cup powdered sugar
Directions-
Set oven to 350 degrees
Mix all ingredients, except powdered sugar. Roll a spoonful of dough in powdered sugar. Place on a cookie sheet and bake for about 8 minutes.
These are easy, quick and delicious!!! I usually make them with chocolate cake mix since I love chocolate. But many people find chocolate as a trigger, so vanilla, lemon and strawberry mixes work just as well!
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
As I have admitted before; I am an emotional eater. It is no surprise that when I am having horrible Migraine or Cluster Attacks I reach for food. I found this simple recipe on Piniterest...
Cool Whip Cookies (by Good yams on December 13, 2009 in Cookies, Desserts
Ingredients-
1 package (18.25 oz box) cake mix
1 cup cool whip
1 whole large egg
1 cup powdered sugar
Directions-
Set oven to 350 degrees
Mix all ingredients, except powdered sugar. Roll a spoonful of dough in powdered sugar. Place on a cookie sheet and bake for about 8 minutes.
These are easy, quick and delicious!!! I usually make them with chocolate cake mix since I love chocolate. But many people find chocolate as a trigger, so vanilla, lemon and strawberry mixes work just as well!
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month # 18- Die Hard: Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho."
Devise a make-believe weapon to blast Migraine/Headache Disorders out of your life....
When I think about a make-believe weapon to blast my Cluster attacks and chronic migraines I can only think of the weapon from my favorite movie of all time- Despicable Me from Universal Pictures. When the movie first came out I knew this was a movie I had to say "IT'S SO FLUFFY"! The second I saw the machine that would shrink the moon, I knew that I had to have it. Unfortunately I am not a science whiz. So all I have now is my dreams. I dream about the day that the machine shows up at my door and "Vaporizes" my pain!!!!
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
When I think about a make-believe weapon to blast my Cluster attacks and chronic migraines I can only think of the weapon from my favorite movie of all time- Despicable Me from Universal Pictures. When the movie first came out I knew this was a movie I had to say "IT'S SO FLUFFY"! The second I saw the machine that would shrink the moon, I knew that I had to have it. Unfortunately I am not a science whiz. So all I have now is my dreams. I dream about the day that the machine shows up at my door and "Vaporizes" my pain!!!!
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #17- Mission Impossible
Mission Impossible
What do I find impossible to do? PACE MYSELF!!!!!
I have never been the type of person who has to be doing something all of the time. I will admit that I have been guilty of loving lazy days and napping at all hours. But since my Cluster Attacks started I do not take the time that I should to always take care of myself. On bad days it is impossible to accomplish anything other then to get through the day. So when a decent day hits; when I get breaks through my attacks, I try to fit everything in. I try to have as much fun as possible, catch up on my long to do list and I keep going. Some may say that is what living life is all about. But what I have learned is that by doing to much all I do is continue the cycle of more attacks. I end up paying for that afternoon out for the next three days.
While I sit here typing this, the idea of pacing myself makes so much sense. But the reality of it is that my life is put on hold on a daily basis. So when I get the chance to live it, even if that just means emptying the dishwasher, I have to jump at it. That is why it seems to be my mission impossible. I don't know how to create a happy balance.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
What do I find impossible to do? PACE MYSELF!!!!!
I have never been the type of person who has to be doing something all of the time. I will admit that I have been guilty of loving lazy days and napping at all hours. But since my Cluster Attacks started I do not take the time that I should to always take care of myself. On bad days it is impossible to accomplish anything other then to get through the day. So when a decent day hits; when I get breaks through my attacks, I try to fit everything in. I try to have as much fun as possible, catch up on my long to do list and I keep going. Some may say that is what living life is all about. But what I have learned is that by doing to much all I do is continue the cycle of more attacks. I end up paying for that afternoon out for the next three days.
While I sit here typing this, the idea of pacing myself makes so much sense. But the reality of it is that my life is put on hold on a daily basis. So when I get the chance to live it, even if that just means emptying the dishwasher, I have to jump at it. That is why it seems to be my mission impossible. I don't know how to create a happy balance.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #16- Riverdance
Have you found a way to work exercise or movement into your life with Migraine/Headache Disorder? What is it?
After gaining 51 pounds from countless medications that include the wonderful side effect of WEIGHT GAIN and going from working to being a bump on a log; I was ecstatic to find a physical therapist who could help me out. Anyone who suffers from chronic pain knows that finding motivation to work out and keep thatbikini one piece body is almost impossible. But it was either do that or live on the floor of my closet for the rest of my life. Luckily, I found my salvation in the form of a physical therapist at Tampa General. She taught me that the key was to hit my target heart rate without triggering an attack (let me tell you, that is easier said then done). With a treadmill at my house, she focused on ways to get me moving by walking whenever I could handle it. Instead of increasing my speed to get my heart rate up, I increase my incline. So I am able to get moving without being a bobble head- which tends to trigger attacks like MAD! To increase my amount of movement I tend to walk between attacks and try to walk 5 minutes every hour. I have found that by doing some type of physical activity throughout the day tends to be more productive then walking for 30 minutes and then sitting my butt on the couch for the rest of the day. I have also been able to keep this consistent for a longer period of time, instead of exhausting myself one day and then not doing anything for 3 days after. It is all about a balancing act and working within my limitations. I have lost 47 pounds to date and hope to lose another 15 pounds. My hope is to be as healthy as possible to help me through the chronic pain as much as I can. Sometimes it is hard, but I just breathe.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
After gaining 51 pounds from countless medications that include the wonderful side effect of WEIGHT GAIN and going from working to being a bump on a log; I was ecstatic to find a physical therapist who could help me out. Anyone who suffers from chronic pain knows that finding motivation to work out and keep that
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #15- Harry Potter
Write & name a spell for getting rid of a Migraine/Headache attack
When a Cluster Attack hits the following ingredients get me through...... STOP, DROP & ROCK
1. Meditation/Biofeedback
2. Sitting on the floor of a HOT shower
3. Pacing
4. Rocking
5. Phone a friend
6. Imitrex
7. Ice Packs
8. Curl up in fetal position
9. Repeat until attack ends
10. Breathe
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
When a Cluster Attack hits the following ingredients get me through...... STOP, DROP & ROCK
1. Meditation/Biofeedback
2. Sitting on the floor of a HOT shower
3. Pacing
4. Rocking
5. Phone a friend
6. Imitrex
7. Ice Packs
8. Curl up in fetal position
9. Repeat until attack ends
10. Breathe
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Migraine and Headache Awareness Month #14- Letters to Julia
Write a thank you note to someone who has helped you.
Dear ------,
I cannot thank you enough for looking past my limitations and accepting me for who I am. Sometimes I worry about how my illness will affect you as the years tick by. My hope is that you will learn how to persevere through tough times. I am afraid that you will not see the whole me but only the 'sick' version of who I am. I have so many life lessons that I want to teach you and so many things I want to experience with you. Your level of understanding surpasses even mine at times; that is when I tend to forget who I am dealing with. I thank you for your silly stories that make me laugh. I thank you for all the times that you help me get lost in a moment. But most of all, I thank you for being you! Your love has been unconditional and that makes life a bit easier every day.
Love
me
Dear ------,
I cannot thank you enough for looking past my limitations and accepting me for who I am. Sometimes I worry about how my illness will affect you as the years tick by. My hope is that you will learn how to persevere through tough times. I am afraid that you will not see the whole me but only the 'sick' version of who I am. I have so many life lessons that I want to teach you and so many things I want to experience with you. Your level of understanding surpasses even mine at times; that is when I tend to forget who I am dealing with. I thank you for your silly stories that make me laugh. I thank you for all the times that you help me get lost in a moment. But most of all, I thank you for being you! Your love has been unconditional and that makes life a bit easier every day.
Love
me
Why smile?
If we smile through our pain, are we really suffering? That is a question that many think but few ask. Cluster headaches have not left me without a limb, unable to feed myself or with the inability to think on my own. However, it has left me alone in my suffering more times than I care to think about.
Sharing these feelings is difficult, but necessary. Last week a member of the Migraine and Headache community committed suicide. She was a young woman; only 22 years old. She had her entire life ahead of her, but could not imagine facing another day in such horrible pain.
My heart aches for the loss of this girl. I have an understanding of her struggles that I wish I didn't. There are days when the pain is so powerful it is difficult to put one foot in front of the other. On many occasions I have had to force myself to smile through horrible pain. It is in those times that I wonder if I am doing myself and everyone else a disservice by putting up such a front. I get upset because so many people think that because I am smiling that I am better. The truth is I smile because on the days that I can't it gets harder and harder to find my way out of the darkness. I smile because I am happy to have made it another day. To have time with my family and friends. At times, making the choice to smile is the only power and control that I have.
While it is hard for me and confusing for others, I will continue to smile and breathe.....
While it is hard for me and confusing for others, I will continue to smile and breathe.....
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #13- Sophie's Choice
What are the toughest treatment choices you face when balancing Migraine/Headache Disorders with other health conditions?
I would like to say that Migraines and Cluster Headaches are the only health problems that I have, but like so many other who suffer from both, I have other health issues to contend with. Treating me becomes a type of balancing act amongst my doctors. I think the toughest treatment choice is how to prioritize my treatments. I have worked hard to find doctors who are willing to communicate with each other or at the very least review my progress in all of my health areas. There have been times that a medication I am prescribed by one doctor has caused complications with my treatment from another doctor. At that point it is up to me to figure out how to proceed. My doctors can give me all of the information but at the end of the day, I am the one who has to decide what challenges I am willing to face and when to throw my hands up and say enough.
Saying enough is very hard for me. In the past I have been "the good little patient", but most times that led to more pain and frustration. Through my support team I have learned to be my own advocate. To educate myself to the best of my abilities and become an active participant in my own treatment. I have also learned to make it clear where my limit is and to say no when that limit is reached. There are still times that I worry that I have not gone far enough to get the best results but in the end I have to trust my gut. I am always looking for new ideas and until I find my solution I will just keep breathing.....
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
I would like to say that Migraines and Cluster Headaches are the only health problems that I have, but like so many other who suffer from both, I have other health issues to contend with. Treating me becomes a type of balancing act amongst my doctors. I think the toughest treatment choice is how to prioritize my treatments. I have worked hard to find doctors who are willing to communicate with each other or at the very least review my progress in all of my health areas. There have been times that a medication I am prescribed by one doctor has caused complications with my treatment from another doctor. At that point it is up to me to figure out how to proceed. My doctors can give me all of the information but at the end of the day, I am the one who has to decide what challenges I am willing to face and when to throw my hands up and say enough.
Saying enough is very hard for me. In the past I have been "the good little patient", but most times that led to more pain and frustration. Through my support team I have learned to be my own advocate. To educate myself to the best of my abilities and become an active participant in my own treatment. I have also learned to make it clear where my limit is and to say no when that limit is reached. There are still times that I worry that I have not gone far enough to get the best results but in the end I have to trust my gut. I am always looking for new ideas and until I find my solution I will just keep breathing.....
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #12- The Box: You are the experiment
What situation in your Migraine/Headache Disorders treatment has made you feel most like a guinea pig or lab rat?
I have had migraines since I was a teenager and am now in my 30's, I was pretty used to what the migraine experience was all about. So when in November 2009 I experienced a pain that I had never felt before and could not imagine living through I knew that something was wrong. After tests and a change in neurologists I was diagnosed with Cluster Headaches. Not having any idea what this was or how to treat it, I put a lot of faith in my neurologist at the time; BIG MISTAKE. From the beginning I was prescribed numerous drug cocktails that were changed on a weekly basis. Meaning that I was unable to tell if a drug was working because of all of the different side effects and because my body was never given enough time to truly acclimate to the medications. After 6 months of no improvement, my neurologist decided that I should spend time in the hospital getting IV medication 24/7. This measured up to me being so medicated that I could not tell who was coming and going. I could not tell if my pain was improving because I could not stay awake long enough to measure anything. When I was released 4 days later, without any improvements, I was prescribed stronger drugs that left me like the walking dead. I could not put words together, could not keep my balance, basically I could not focus.
What is so frightening is that I continued with this doctor for 4 more months because I was afraid to give up on him. I had given him almost a year of my life and all he did was make everything worse. I am not saying that the medications he put me on were not common medications used, but I was never given any time to let them do the work they were supposed to.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
I have had migraines since I was a teenager and am now in my 30's, I was pretty used to what the migraine experience was all about. So when in November 2009 I experienced a pain that I had never felt before and could not imagine living through I knew that something was wrong. After tests and a change in neurologists I was diagnosed with Cluster Headaches. Not having any idea what this was or how to treat it, I put a lot of faith in my neurologist at the time; BIG MISTAKE. From the beginning I was prescribed numerous drug cocktails that were changed on a weekly basis. Meaning that I was unable to tell if a drug was working because of all of the different side effects and because my body was never given enough time to truly acclimate to the medications. After 6 months of no improvement, my neurologist decided that I should spend time in the hospital getting IV medication 24/7. This measured up to me being so medicated that I could not tell who was coming and going. I could not tell if my pain was improving because I could not stay awake long enough to measure anything. When I was released 4 days later, without any improvements, I was prescribed stronger drugs that left me like the walking dead. I could not put words together, could not keep my balance, basically I could not focus.
What is so frightening is that I continued with this doctor for 4 more months because I was afraid to give up on him. I had given him almost a year of my life and all he did was make everything worse. I am not saying that the medications he put me on were not common medications used, but I was never given any time to let them do the work they were supposed to.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #11- Twilight
What power of a vampire or werewolf would you like to have to cope with Migraine or another Headache Disorder?
I must admit that I have not read the Twilight series and I have only watched one of the movies. So with that disclaimer I am going to make an assumption that since vampires are dead they probably do not feel much or any pain. With that being said, if I could choose a power of a vampire I would have to pick that one- NO PAIN!!!!!! If I had no pain I could live life without any disruption. I would not have to battle each day to do simple tasks. I would not have to delay my fun for a day that the attacks do not control me. And I could WORK!!!! YES, I could gain back my independence. And I would be able to breathe (a little easier).....
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
I must admit that I have not read the Twilight series and I have only watched one of the movies. So with that disclaimer I am going to make an assumption that since vampires are dead they probably do not feel much or any pain. With that being said, if I could choose a power of a vampire I would have to pick that one- NO PAIN!!!!!! If I had no pain I could live life without any disruption. I would not have to battle each day to do simple tasks. I would not have to delay my fun for a day that the attacks do not control me. And I could WORK!!!! YES, I could gain back my independence. And I would be able to breathe (a little easier).....
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #10- Ocean's Eleven
Who's part of your migraine/headache disorder care team? What essential roles still need to be filled?
I have been told by many doctors that I am an unusual case. I have also had many doctors tell me that they could no longer help me because the 'traditional' treatments didn't work. I think my father and I have covered most of the state of Florida looking for someone willing to help me find a solution to my chronic Cluster Headaches and chronic Migraines.
When I went to the Clevland Clinic (in Florida) I was referred to a headache specialist in Tampa. I was told that she was the doctor that taught all of the other headache specialist the cutting edge treatments. When I called for an appointment I almost fell backwards when I was told they had a 10 month waiting list. I was also told I had to send all of my medical records to the doctor to determine if I was an appropriate candidate for her treatments.
Seven months into my wait I was called and offered an appointment the next month; I jumped at the offer. That was almost 2 years ago. While I am still suffering from debilitating cluster and migraine attacks, this headache specialist has supported me the entire way. She doesn't ever look at me and say that we are at the end of the road. She respects when I am uncomfortable with a treatment she is suggesting and doesn't try to force me into it. With her help I continue to have hope every day.
I also see a regular family doctor who takes an all encompassing approach towards working with me. She is willing to communicate with my other doctors and make suggestions on treatment methods. She also keeps track of my medical tests and medications from all of my other doctors to help prevent wasting time and money.
These two women make it easier to just breathe.....
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #9- Mama Mia: Money Money Money
How does living with migraine or another Headache Disorder impact your financial situations?
While I live with the daily pain of cluster headaches and migraines I am not the only one who sufferers. Due to my chronic cluster headaches I had to leave a my job in 2010. This meant losing income and eventually my health insurance (have to be on husbands which costs an arm and a leg). While I do receive SSI Disability, it no where makes up for what I have lost on a monthly basis. On top of losing income I now have more doctors appointments each month to try to find solutions to my pain; that means a copay to the doctor each time. I have monthly prescriptions that I have to have. Along with prescriptions I have had different procedures throughout these last 4 years that cost a pretty penny. None of this includes all of the gas money it takes for my husband and parents to get me to all of these appointments. What really annoys me is that I have student loans that have to be paid monthly even though I cannot use my education at this time.
It takes all that I have to just focus on today and not stress about the future. Just keep breathing......
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
While I live with the daily pain of cluster headaches and migraines I am not the only one who sufferers. Due to my chronic cluster headaches I had to leave a my job in 2010. This meant losing income and eventually my health insurance (have to be on husbands which costs an arm and a leg). While I do receive SSI Disability, it no where makes up for what I have lost on a monthly basis. On top of losing income I now have more doctors appointments each month to try to find solutions to my pain; that means a copay to the doctor each time. I have monthly prescriptions that I have to have. Along with prescriptions I have had different procedures throughout these last 4 years that cost a pretty penny. None of this includes all of the gas money it takes for my husband and parents to get me to all of these appointments. What really annoys me is that I have student loans that have to be paid monthly even though I cannot use my education at this time.
It takes all that I have to just focus on today and not stress about the future. Just keep breathing......
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #8- Little Shop of Horrors: "FeedMe, Seymour"
What comfort foods do you reach for when you have a migraine or headache attack?
Considering I gained 51 pounds since my diagnosis of cluster headaches in 2009 it is very clear that emotional eating is one of my favorite coping skills. While the weight gain started due to medications I was taking; especially the constant steroid packs, I did not help myself with the 11pm chicken nachos or 4:30am bag of peppermint patties. When I am in the middle of a cluster headache attack the only thing that I want to do is make it through it. It is the aftermath of the cluster headache or during my migraines that I tend to get myself in trouble with food. Some of my FAVORITE go to foods when I am feeling low are; McDonald's, cool ranch Doritos, chocolate and mambas (thanks sis). During the few minutes it takes me to consume and of these items I am in my own little heaven. It is afterwords that I realize that I am not helping myself. So I have started to find new ways to cope other than always running to food. I am improving on my meditation/biofeedback, take a walk or just breathe......
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Considering I gained 51 pounds since my diagnosis of cluster headaches in 2009 it is very clear that emotional eating is one of my favorite coping skills. While the weight gain started due to medications I was taking; especially the constant steroid packs, I did not help myself with the 11pm chicken nachos or 4:30am bag of peppermint patties. When I am in the middle of a cluster headache attack the only thing that I want to do is make it through it. It is the aftermath of the cluster headache or during my migraines that I tend to get myself in trouble with food. Some of my FAVORITE go to foods when I am feeling low are; McDonald's, cool ranch Doritos, chocolate and mambas (thanks sis). During the few minutes it takes me to consume and of these items I am in my own little heaven. It is afterwords that I realize that I am not helping myself. So I have started to find new ways to cope other than always running to food. I am improving on my meditation/biofeedback, take a walk or just breathe......
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #7- Pretty Woman
What do you do to look good when you feel like crap?
Well one thing I shouldn't have done was gain 51 pounds; that sure didn't help! So what I did was join weight watchers, try excercising when I feel well enough and try to find something else to do instead of emotional eating! This has helped!!!! I am now almost back to my weight before I started having Cluster Headaches in 2009.
The main thing that I do is put on some lipgloss!!!! Yup, I said lipgloss.
It is amazing how a little bit of color can make a HUGE difference. And since I am a very low maintenance kind of girl when it comes to makeup, lipgloss was going to have to do. I actually got the idea from a book that I read years ago; Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy by Geralyn Lucas. Basically it is about trying to hold on to your feeling of confidence when facing a time that you do not feel comfortable with yourself.
So many things changed when my Cluster Headaches began. It wasn't just about feeling like crap. I lost my independence, the ability to take care of myself in many ways, my self worth (I know many confident people who can't imagine feeling like this, but it is a reality). I hit a two year window of feeling depressed (although never diagnosed). It took me time and locating a new tools to deal with my new life before I really felt human again. And the way I try to show the world that I am ready to face what life has for me is to put on my lipgloss and just breathe.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Well one thing I shouldn't have done was gain 51 pounds; that sure didn't help! So what I did was join weight watchers, try excercising when I feel well enough and try to find something else to do instead of emotional eating! This has helped!!!! I am now almost back to my weight before I started having Cluster Headaches in 2009.
The main thing that I do is put on some lipgloss!!!! Yup, I said lipgloss.
It is amazing how a little bit of color can make a HUGE difference. And since I am a very low maintenance kind of girl when it comes to makeup, lipgloss was going to have to do. I actually got the idea from a book that I read years ago; Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy by Geralyn Lucas. Basically it is about trying to hold on to your feeling of confidence when facing a time that you do not feel comfortable with yourself.
So many things changed when my Cluster Headaches began. It wasn't just about feeling like crap. I lost my independence, the ability to take care of myself in many ways, my self worth (I know many confident people who can't imagine feeling like this, but it is a reality). I hit a two year window of feeling depressed (although never diagnosed). It took me time and locating a new tools to deal with my new life before I really felt human again. And the way I try to show the world that I am ready to face what life has for me is to put on my lipgloss and just breathe.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #6- Steel Magnolias: "That which does not kill us makes us stronger"
Cluster Headaches cause pain that I could never have imagined a person could live through; at times I am still amazed that I have. With this pain I have learned that while something can stop me dead in my tracks, it can also make me stronger and a much better person than I could have ever believed. I curse this thing that has been nicknamed 'Suicide Headaches'; while at the same time appreciating the lessons I have learned.
I am a virgo through and through. I have my way of doing things, and it is the right way!
I try to tell that to this Beast we call Cluster Headaches and this Beast shows me how wrong I am everytime.
So with my pain have come some important lessons....
1) Patience is a virtue.
2) It is okay if I can't stand on my own two feet all of the time (figuritively and literally).
3) Prioritize
4) Live life when I can and remember life when I don't feel well enough to live it.
5) I do have value and can help others.
6) Family and Friends are amazing and will understand my limitations.
7) Work is a job; not a life.
8) Laugh
9) Cry
10) You can't always win; but that doesn't make you a loser.
Through these lessons I have come to to accept myself where I am in the moment. Not to hang so tightly on the past and wish for a future I am unsure of. With these lessons I am at the strongest point in this battle and can only continue to get stronger. I don't know what my future holds but I know I can face it with a better outlook than I could have before.
Here I am just breathing!!!!
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
I am a virgo through and through. I have my way of doing things, and it is the right way!
I try to tell that to this Beast we call Cluster Headaches and this Beast shows me how wrong I am everytime.
So with my pain have come some important lessons....
1) Patience is a virtue.
2) It is okay if I can't stand on my own two feet all of the time (figuritively and literally).
3) Prioritize
4) Live life when I can and remember life when I don't feel well enough to live it.
5) I do have value and can help others.
6) Family and Friends are amazing and will understand my limitations.
7) Work is a job; not a life.
8) Laugh
9) Cry
10) You can't always win; but that doesn't make you a loser.
Through these lessons I have come to to accept myself where I am in the moment. Not to hang so tightly on the past and wish for a future I am unsure of. With these lessons I am at the strongest point in this battle and can only continue to get stronger. I don't know what my future holds but I know I can face it with a better outlook than I could have before.
Here I am just breathing!!!!
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #5- Carousel
Today's blog is based on the prompt "You'll never walk alone"
The day that I called HR to tell them that I wanted to go on short-term disability was the moment I felt most alone and betrayed in the world. I felt that everything I had worked so hard for was gone and that I had been abandoned by my coworkers who had been some of my closest friends. I quickly learned that I was 100% wrong and that those who had led me in the direction of leaving work really did care about me and wanted me to take care of myself. With their prompt I have been able to start find ways to try to heal.
One of the important ways I have done that is by seeking out as much information regarding migraines and Cluster headaches that I can find. I have sought out doctors who are specialists in the field and who are willing to work together towards a solution. I have also taken to the blogs, facebook groups, twitter and other online groups to find others who are experiencing some of the same things I am going through. When I speak of support groups, many times I get this "poor you" look from others. I have even had people suggest that I should try to help myself instead of trying to find others to commiserate with. At first I am hurt, but then I realize that these people have not experienced all of the good things I have from the groups I have found (not to say that all of my experiences have been rainbows and butterflies). I have found individuals who have suggested alternative treatments to the ones I am using. I have been able to rule out some of the treatments for myself based on others' experiences. I have been able to talk about my fears and successes.
Most of all I have been able to have a conversation with another person, instead of my cat.
I have to say while I wish no one else ever had to go through the pain of Migraines and Cluster Headaches, it is nice to know that I am never alone and that there is always someone there to remind me just to breathe......
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
The day that I called HR to tell them that I wanted to go on short-term disability was the moment I felt most alone and betrayed in the world. I felt that everything I had worked so hard for was gone and that I had been abandoned by my coworkers who had been some of my closest friends. I quickly learned that I was 100% wrong and that those who had led me in the direction of leaving work really did care about me and wanted me to take care of myself. With their prompt I have been able to start find ways to try to heal.
One of the important ways I have done that is by seeking out as much information regarding migraines and Cluster headaches that I can find. I have sought out doctors who are specialists in the field and who are willing to work together towards a solution. I have also taken to the blogs, facebook groups, twitter and other online groups to find others who are experiencing some of the same things I am going through. When I speak of support groups, many times I get this "poor you" look from others. I have even had people suggest that I should try to help myself instead of trying to find others to commiserate with. At first I am hurt, but then I realize that these people have not experienced all of the good things I have from the groups I have found (not to say that all of my experiences have been rainbows and butterflies). I have found individuals who have suggested alternative treatments to the ones I am using. I have been able to rule out some of the treatments for myself based on others' experiences. I have been able to talk about my fears and successes.
Most of all I have been able to have a conversation with another person, instead of my cat.
I have to say while I wish no one else ever had to go through the pain of Migraines and Cluster Headaches, it is nice to know that I am never alone and that there is always someone there to remind me just to breathe......
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #4- Finding Nemo
It is hard to describe chronic pain to a person who doesn't experience it. I know this because I used to be the person on the other side of the glass looking in. I could never have imagined that a person who did not look ill could be living through horrible pain on a constant basis. That someones smile may be masking the severe sadness/depression they were feeling by not living life. That a "I'm good" or "Hanging in" could be a way to say that nothing is improving- I still feel like crap!!!!
That is the truth of chronic pain illnesses such as migraines and headaches. In the last 4 years I have met so many people who do such a good job at pretending everything is okay and then in the times that they are alone suffer beyond belief. That is my reality on a daily basis. I am "faking it until I make it". The only thing that keeps me moving forward is HOPE.
Hope that there will be a solution and that my pain will decrease.
Hope that I can return to driving myself.
Hope to going back to work and being successful again.
Hope that I will make everyone proud of me again.
Hope that my parents will still be around to see me live life not just exist.
Hope that my relationship survives.
Hope that my daughter sees me as someone with goals and who she can count on.
Hope that I can begin to go out of the house and not feel anxiety over what I will do if I have an attack.
Hope that I can spend more time with friends.
Hope that we can stop spending so much on medical bills and prescriptions.
The hardest hand that migraines and headaches have dealt me is that I am stuck in a moment while the rest of the world is moving around me. The way I get through that is to have HOPE that one day I will join them again.
Until then I will just keep breathing....
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
That is the truth of chronic pain illnesses such as migraines and headaches. In the last 4 years I have met so many people who do such a good job at pretending everything is okay and then in the times that they are alone suffer beyond belief. That is my reality on a daily basis. I am "faking it until I make it". The only thing that keeps me moving forward is HOPE.
Hope that there will be a solution and that my pain will decrease.
Hope that I can return to driving myself.
Hope to going back to work and being successful again.
Hope that I will make everyone proud of me again.
Hope that my parents will still be around to see me live life not just exist.
Hope that my relationship survives.
Hope that my daughter sees me as someone with goals and who she can count on.
Hope that I can begin to go out of the house and not feel anxiety over what I will do if I have an attack.
Hope that I can spend more time with friends.
Hope that we can stop spending so much on medical bills and prescriptions.
The hardest hand that migraines and headaches have dealt me is that I am stuck in a moment while the rest of the world is moving around me. The way I get through that is to have HOPE that one day I will join them again.
Until then I will just keep breathing....
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #3- The Hunger Games
I would like to say that I have always done everything I can to help myself, but that doesn't always tend to be human nature; and regardless of what some family members believe; I am human (not an alien with monkey toes). If my cluster headache and chronic migraines have taught me anything, it is to be proactive. Since I tend to be a(n) controlling organized person, I have become pretty good at keeping track of things. Most of my doctors are horrified when they walk into the examining room and I have my 20 suitcases full of medical records and Headache/Migraine charts taking up all of the room. After he/she makes their way through the forest I have brought with me, we get down to business.
1) When did you start experiencing head pain?
2) Describe your symptoms?
3) How many attacks do you have?
4) How long do they last?
5) What makes the attacks better?
6) What makes the attacks worse?
and so on and so on and so on......
I have the questions memorized, so frequently I confuse the new doctor by just calling out answers to questions he/she have not asked yet. It's breaks up the routine a bit....
With all kidding aside; I have come to live by my- DO THIS; NOT THAT RULES!!!!
1) Do not drink alcohol unless you want to be screaming in pain for three days.
2) Do not do strenuous exercise. ***My physical therapist taught me to increase my incline on treadmill instead of speed so I am getting exercise without triggering an attack.
3) Do not take naps and try to get enough sleep. This is a tricky one. My body is terrified to sleep because that is when the beast (Cluster Attack) comes out to play. But if I don't get enough sleep the beast comes anyway and brings a migraine along for an added bonus. And naps are like setting off fireworks in my living room- really enjoyable but hazardous at the same time!
4) Try to eat right. Which is a joke! Making food is impossible. And the last thing I want to munch on when doubling over in pain is a carrot! Bring on the chips and chocolate baby. I may not be able to form a sentence; but I can sniff out my junk food anytime. However, I can definitely feel the difference in severity of attacks when I follow this rule.
5) Stay calm. Anyone who truly knows me is laughing at this statement. Having less stress and dealing with situations accordingly is best for the Migraine & Headache sufferer.
Now I said that I have come to live by all of these; that doesn't always mean I am successful at living by them all of the time. The best that we can do is our best in the moment. For each Migraine & Headache that we suffer through and come out on the other side to fight another day is a win for us!!!!! The main goal for me is to just keep breathing....
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
1) When did you start experiencing head pain?
2) Describe your symptoms?
3) How many attacks do you have?
4) How long do they last?
5) What makes the attacks better?
6) What makes the attacks worse?
and so on and so on and so on......
I have the questions memorized, so frequently I confuse the new doctor by just calling out answers to questions he/she have not asked yet. It's breaks up the routine a bit....
With all kidding aside; I have come to live by my- DO THIS; NOT THAT RULES!!!!
1) Do not drink alcohol unless you want to be screaming in pain for three days.
2) Do not do strenuous exercise. ***My physical therapist taught me to increase my incline on treadmill instead of speed so I am getting exercise without triggering an attack.
3) Do not take naps and try to get enough sleep. This is a tricky one. My body is terrified to sleep because that is when the beast (Cluster Attack) comes out to play. But if I don't get enough sleep the beast comes anyway and brings a migraine along for an added bonus. And naps are like setting off fireworks in my living room- really enjoyable but hazardous at the same time!
4) Try to eat right. Which is a joke! Making food is impossible. And the last thing I want to munch on when doubling over in pain is a carrot! Bring on the chips and chocolate baby. I may not be able to form a sentence; but I can sniff out my junk food anytime. However, I can definitely feel the difference in severity of attacks when I follow this rule.
5) Stay calm. Anyone who truly knows me is laughing at this statement. Having less stress and dealing with situations accordingly is best for the Migraine & Headache sufferer.
Now I said that I have come to live by all of these; that doesn't always mean I am successful at living by them all of the time. The best that we can do is our best in the moment. For each Migraine & Headache that we suffer through and come out on the other side to fight another day is a win for us!!!!! The main goal for me is to just keep breathing....
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month #2- X-Men
When I think about my darkest hours I remember back to when I was a child and all of the monsters would come out calling when my house fell quiet. The nightmares that would wake me up back then now make me laugh when I think about them. But in the moment they were very real and I was always looking for someone to rescue me.
When my nightmares started occurring 24 hours a day in the form of debilitating pain, I wanted to return to the 5 year old me that could be soothed by my father's suggestion to think about all of the good things in life. When that didn't work I had to surrender myself to the fact that this nightmare would be bigger than I could manage on my own. So I sent out my signal for help and the same people who supported me as a child returned to rescue me and this time they brought some friends!!!!
My parents- They have schlepped me to hundreds of doctor appointments through out the state to find answers. They have helped me accept that where I am right now is not due to a lack of trying. They help me see the bigger picture and not get stuck in the stress of the moment. They take care of me like I was still the little girl woken in the middle of the night with nightmares.
My siblings- They have listened to my fears even when I call or text in the middle of the night. They make me smile by making fun of me. My sister sends me care packages of energy drinks and candy!!! My brother reminds me that if the doctor would have just VAPORIZED me like he suggested when we were kids, we could have avoided all of this.
My friends- They have continued to call and make plans with me despite the fact that I don't always respond and I cancel on a frequent basis. They also know not to say things like "oh, I get headaches also" or "don't you think you should see a doctor".
My current doctors- They have not given up yet!!!
My In-Laws/sister-in-law and extended family- They accept me for who I am right at this moment. They are so far away but try to help out as much as they can. And they love that I am a University of Michigan fan!
My Stepdaughter- She brings a carefree version of life into our house. She also brings entertainment and laughter.
and last but definitely not least......
My husband- He has become something I would never want anyone to be, my caretaker. He along with my parents drive me everywhere. He works two jobs to provide. He runs himself into the ground doing all of the things that I can no longer do. He deals with my HORRIBLE moods. Most of all he tries his best to understand.
Every single person who I have in my life is a piece of the jigsaw puzzle I am made of. If I lost a piece I would not be able to be as together as I currently am (insert laughter at that statement). I have not named everyone specifically because I am lucky; I am surrounded by so many people the list would be overwhelming. I try hard to make sure that those in my life know how special they are to me; hopefully all of you who are, know it.
Now I will take a moment, feel special, and just breathe.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
When my nightmares started occurring 24 hours a day in the form of debilitating pain, I wanted to return to the 5 year old me that could be soothed by my father's suggestion to think about all of the good things in life. When that didn't work I had to surrender myself to the fact that this nightmare would be bigger than I could manage on my own. So I sent out my signal for help and the same people who supported me as a child returned to rescue me and this time they brought some friends!!!!
My parents- They have schlepped me to hundreds of doctor appointments through out the state to find answers. They have helped me accept that where I am right now is not due to a lack of trying. They help me see the bigger picture and not get stuck in the stress of the moment. They take care of me like I was still the little girl woken in the middle of the night with nightmares.
My siblings- They have listened to my fears even when I call or text in the middle of the night. They make me smile by making fun of me. My sister sends me care packages of energy drinks and candy!!! My brother reminds me that if the doctor would have just VAPORIZED me like he suggested when we were kids, we could have avoided all of this.
My friends- They have continued to call and make plans with me despite the fact that I don't always respond and I cancel on a frequent basis. They also know not to say things like "oh, I get headaches also" or "don't you think you should see a doctor".
My current doctors- They have not given up yet!!!
My In-Laws/sister-in-law and extended family- They accept me for who I am right at this moment. They are so far away but try to help out as much as they can. And they love that I am a University of Michigan fan!
My Stepdaughter- She brings a carefree version of life into our house. She also brings entertainment and laughter.
and last but definitely not least......
My husband- He has become something I would never want anyone to be, my caretaker. He along with my parents drive me everywhere. He works two jobs to provide. He runs himself into the ground doing all of the things that I can no longer do. He deals with my HORRIBLE moods. Most of all he tries his best to understand.
Every single person who I have in my life is a piece of the jigsaw puzzle I am made of. If I lost a piece I would not be able to be as together as I currently am (insert laughter at that statement). I have not named everyone specifically because I am lucky; I am surrounded by so many people the list would be overwhelming. I try hard to make sure that those in my life know how special they are to me; hopefully all of you who are, know it.
Now I will take a moment, feel special, and just breathe.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Migraine & Headache Awareness Month # 1- Phantom of the Opera
In high school I was the girl who always wanted to be the dramatic one. I wanted to be the girl who stood out and was easily approachable. However, I never really got that one right. During choir I did well in the group numbers and floundered in the solos. In debate I never really got the grasp of the argument or understood that a monologue was more than memorizing the words. And dating in my teen years; not so much. I quickly learned to accept my role as the sidekick in life. We can't all be in the spotlight or it wouldn't really be special.
As an adult my ability to blend in worked itself out. I was able to stand on my own two feet and be a star in my own right. And then one day I learned what the disadvantage of being a star meant; falling on my face. I was at the height of my success; great friends, amazing family, new husband, stepdaughter and a promising career. And then one day I was put in the background of my own life.
What was I to do?
I stood up, brushed myself off and put on my mask. A mask that was big enough to hold my disappointment, embarrassment, loneliness and fear from the world. Occasionally my mask would get hit and someone would see a glimpse of the truth. So I made sure that the next time I was around someone I had enough superglue so that sucker wouldn't move. And when that didn't work I put myself in a box and hid from the world. There are only so many "I understand" comments and disappointing looks a girl can take. When your failure is in front of the world there is no delete button.
Failure is why I wear my mask now. I know that those who love me and have taken this ride with me understand that I didn't fail. That life stepped in and played a cruel joke- it stopped. But what people don't understand is that I feel like a failure. Why can't I look past the pain? Why can't I put one foot in front of the other? Why can't I just find my solution/my cure?
I have gotten better at removing my mask more often; but until I can remove completely how can anyone really understand what these diseases we call Migraines and Headaches are really about?
Since I cannot answer that question right now I will simply breathe.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
As an adult my ability to blend in worked itself out. I was able to stand on my own two feet and be a star in my own right. And then one day I learned what the disadvantage of being a star meant; falling on my face. I was at the height of my success; great friends, amazing family, new husband, stepdaughter and a promising career. And then one day I was put in the background of my own life.
What was I to do?
I stood up, brushed myself off and put on my mask. A mask that was big enough to hold my disappointment, embarrassment, loneliness and fear from the world. Occasionally my mask would get hit and someone would see a glimpse of the truth. So I made sure that the next time I was around someone I had enough superglue so that sucker wouldn't move. And when that didn't work I put myself in a box and hid from the world. There are only so many "I understand" comments and disappointing looks a girl can take. When your failure is in front of the world there is no delete button.
Failure is why I wear my mask now. I know that those who love me and have taken this ride with me understand that I didn't fail. That life stepped in and played a cruel joke- it stopped. But what people don't understand is that I feel like a failure. Why can't I look past the pain? Why can't I put one foot in front of the other? Why can't I just find my solution/my cure?
I have gotten better at removing my mask more often; but until I can remove completely how can anyone really understand what these diseases we call Migraines and Headaches are really about?
Since I cannot answer that question right now I will simply breathe.
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
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