Since november 2010 I have become a hermit, afraid to stray from home. I spend my day fillin it with nothing really getting accomplished. I do this because I feel that I can beat the Beast best on my home turf!!! If I am at home I have an array of weapons to combat the destruction the Beast can bring. Usually medication does very little; so instead I use oxygen, hot showers, ice, rocking, walking around, screaming and even at times banging my head against a wall. All of these are best done alone; definitely NOT in public. I have become very patient and understanding of the Beast. I guess that is why I don't understand why the Beast can't be a bit more understanding of me!
Tonight I ventured out of the house to join my parents and family friends out to dinner. I did not go out drinking or partying, just a quiet dinner. That is why I do not understand why the Beast felt the need to join me. He snuck out and sat right down at the table with me, ending my good time. I guest I just don't understand why the Beast doesn't give me the same consideration I give the Beast. Luckily I was out with family who are more than understanding and supportive. I don't think I will ever understand why the Beast can't stay home. Until the Beast decides to work with me I will have to continue to plan my outtings carefully and just continue to try to breathe.
I continue to pray for you! I had a headache last night and today. I thought about you and how tough you are to deal with The Beast. You are a strong woman and I know God is going to take this pain away from you.
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