The poem begins:
I sleep in the clouds, dream in the sky, I'll keep dreaming as life passes me by.
I think my dreams keep me sane, I dream of happiness, a life without pain...
I hope that everyone takes the time to read this poem before or after you read this post.
For me it is a very fine line between dreaming and living a lie. I spent the first year after my Cluster Headache diagnosis pushing forward. In my mind, if I ran fast enough I would be able to outrun what was happening to me. I learned all to quickly that my pain was way faster than I could ever be. When I finally stopped running and faced myself I didn't know where to go or what to do. I spent almost two years of my life living in denial, believing that tomorrow would return me to my "normal" self. Those two years only lead me into a deep depression that I almost didn't come out of. I shut myself in my home, away from family and friends. I decided that I had to live up to my label of disabled, which to me meant that happiness was not okay. I kept telling others that this would not last forever, while secretly knowing that my life was over.
I wish I could tell you what pulled me from my nightmare, but to this day I am not sure. I know that my family played a HUGE role, as well as a support group I found online. My family let me know that I may not be able to run faster than my pain, but they are here to carry me when I can't run any further. My support group showed me that I was not alone in my pain. I was also lucky enough to find a doctor who cares about me and hasn't given up on me. She recently told my husband and my father that I am "the model patient, I do everything I can to try to get better". I wear that compliment as my badge!!! To me hope/dream are one in the same. I do not accept that where I am is where I will always be.
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