Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #13- What in Nature Brings you Hope

Day #13 Prompt- What in nature brings you hope: Tell us what things in nature bring you hope and why.

I find hope at the beach!!!  I love going to the beach in the evening and just walking.  It gives me time to talk to the person I'm with without distractions, or just enjoy the quiet.  Whether the sun is shining or there is a storm rolling in, the beach is always peaceful for me.  And peace=HOPE.

"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #12- "Birds of Hope" quote

Day #12 Prompt- "Birds of Hope" quote: Interpret the quote: tell us what the quote on the image below means to you.

To me, the quote means that I can find HOPE anywhere if I just relax, listen and look.  There is no secret to HOPE.  It's all about trusting that when I am at my worst and in my darkest place, hope will be right there, waiting for me to grab it. 

"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #11- Helping Others Hope

Day #11 Prompt- Helping others Hope: What do you do or say to help others have hope?

This is a tough prompt for me.  I found online support groups and organizations about 4 years ago.  Through both, I have met so many people who have taught me so much and helped me more than I could ever explain.  But I am unsure of what I do or say. 

I blog on and off to share my personal experiences with others.  I tend to do it so infrequently that I suspect I write more for myself than for others.  I try to share as much information as possible, to educate people.  And honestly, I just try to be genuine.  I try to let those who I come into contact with know that I really care and I really want to help.  If that is sharing a story with them or just offering a prayer, that is what I am here for.  For me, it was knowing I was not alone that gave me the hope I have today,  So I hope that I have been there for others when they felt all alone. 


"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #10- How Do You Find Hope on a Dark Day?

Day #10 Prompt-How do you find hope on a dark day?  Please write about any ways you have to find hope on a dark day.

I find hope on my darkest days through planning and being ready for the pain.  That may sound strange, but it is 100% true.  I never expected to find a day where I would not be able to manage my pain and move on.  When that day came, I was thrown to my knees and it took me two years to find my footing.  The pain was so bad that I immediately fell into a deep depression.  Since I was no longer working, I just didn't leave my house.  I gave up all hope for living life and just tried to exist. 

After going through a program for individuals with pain, I learned that the best way to make it through, to not lose my way and to hold on to hope; was to be realistic that the pain was going to be severe.  I learned how to plan for that pain and how to set myself up for the greatest success no matter where I am.  Having a plan of action allows me to find hope on my darkest day. 

At Home:
When I am at home I have a room that I can go to when the pain becomes intense.  This is a room where no one else HAS to be in, so I can have the needed privacy at any time.  In this room I keep my Iceman machine and my Celfaly.  I am also able to bring any meds that I may need with me without fear of just leaving meds around for anyone to get to.  I can curl up in my chair and have everything at my fingertips.  There is enough room in there to pace and my chair is big enough and comfortable enough to rock in without hurting myself.  There is also a treadmill and television in there for distraction purposes. 

Away from Home:
I am still very particular about who I will leave my home with.  I tend to have anxiety attacks, so I only go out with people who are understanding of this.  When I leave my home I carry a HUGE purse that I can pack with whatever I need to be ready to combat my pain at a moments notice.  I carry rescue medications with me, my Cefaly, a portable ice pack, and my Chill n' heat.  I also carry peppermint oil so I can use that when I come into contact with people who are wearing strong perfumes or colognes. 

For me planning really helps me keep myself and my pain in better control.  These items also are what I considerable my security items and give me HOPE to survive each attack. 

***I also want to mention what I have just started.  This item was recommended by a Teri Robert.  In the last few weeks I have started a gratitude journal.  I am trying to fill it each day with things I am grateful for.  So when I am in a moment of pain and losing hope, I can go back to that journal and remember that there is good in every day. 


"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #9- Hope Lets Us Win

Day #9 Prompt- Hope lets us win:  Watch and listen to the video below of Bran McKnight's son "Win," and share with us which of the lyrics you believe. 

To me the lyrics that stand out to me and that speak to me come at the end of the song. 

When it's all said and done
My once in a lifetime won't be back again
Now is the time
To take a stand
Here is my chance

For me, this statement is so true.  For so long I kept hoping for what I had to return.  If I could only get better.....
I can't keep living my life like that.  For me, my hope comes in making the most out of what I have today.  I don't work.  But there are so many more things that I can do to make my life matter.  Hoping on that one day when I will miraculously be all better so my life can start again is what was holding me back from living.  I have to find ways to make a difference today, tomorrow and the next day;  not sitting around wishing for what is no more. 

"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #8- Pets for Comfort and Hope

Day #8 Prompt- Pets for Comfort and Hope: If you have pets that help you keep hoping, tell us about them.  If not, tell us about something else that helps you keep hoping.

I am the proud mother of a furbaby cat named Tiger.  He was actually my husband's cat, so I adopted him when we got married.  I will tell you that the first few years with Tiger was pretty difficult, he did not appreciate my hubby bringing me home.  But things changed after I became sick and stopped working.  Eventually he became my shadow and my best friend.  We spend the day talking, arguing and eating!!!!  Whenever I have a bad attack or a bad day, he is right there to take care of me.  Sadly I must say that in the last few months he has become ill and I am now the one taking care of him.  My hope is that we still have tons more time together, but whatever happens, his love means the world to me!!!!!

"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #7- Activities/Hobbies that Build Hope

Prompt #7- Activities/Hobbies that build Hope: What activities or hobbies do you participate in that help build hope for you?

For me, anything that keeps me moving and thinking, gives me hope.  Some of what I love to do:
-Read
-Write
-Listen to music
-Complete puzzles
-Sudoku
-Walking
-Yoga
-Participate in support groups
-Spend time with family and friends

Since I stopped working, sometimes I find it tough to find a purpose.  In the past few years I've learned that my main purpose at this moment is to take care of myself.  So I try to balance what I enjoy doing with making sure I don't overdo any one thing.   


"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #6- Song of Hope

Day 6 Prompt- Song of Hope: What song gives you hope to hold, despite your Migraines or Headaches and how?

Music has many purposes for me as I move through my life with Cluster Headaches and Migraines.  When I am really in need of some HOPE I tend to listen to what I call anthem songs.  To me these are songs that fit the moment I am in and just make me want to sing at the top of my lungs (usually reserved for when I am home alone). 

Today I want to share two songs with you.  Each song speaks of a different time in these 5 1/2 years.

My First Song...... Sara Bareilles- Brave (live)

This song is so powerful to me because the words speak to the earlier days when my Cluster Headaches had taken over my life and I was unable to leave my home or even express to anyone how I was feeling.  I didn't hear this song until well after I made it through that period of my illness.  As soon as I heard the words, I thought to myself how honest they are. 

LYRICS:

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

See, in my life it didn't really matter what others said to me.  My inner voice was constantly beating me up.  To overcome this, I had to be brave enough to look at myself in the mirror and find the good in myself.  In the past, my self worth was always about my level of education and my career.  Once neither of those mattered I didn't know who I was anymore.  So I had to get out there and see what else the world had to offer. 



My Second Song.... Rachel Platten -Fight Song

This is a new song to me.  But the second I heard it, I knew it would quickly become my new anthem for where I am at this moment in my life and illnesses...

LYRICS:

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep
Everybody's worried about me
In too deep
Say I'm in too deep (in too deep)
And it's been two years
I miss my home
But there's a fire burning in my bones
And I still believe
Yeah I still believe

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong (I'll be strong)
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Now I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Whether I am fighting the pain, others' opinions or my own demons; this song speaks to how strong I am.  There are days where I don't know that I can make it through to another.  When those days come around, I put this song on and know that I have so much more fight in me!!!!

 

"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #5- Symbol of Hope

Day #5 Prompt- Symbol of Hope: What symbol helps give you hope for living with Migraine and Headache?

The symbol that helps give me hope for living with my Cluster Headaches and Migraines is personal to me.  A few years ago I received a gift from my sister at a time when I was really in a difficult place with my pain and life.  I was trying at the time to hide my struggles as well as possible.  But my family is always able to see past that.  Below is the image of the necklace that my sister sent me.  On one side the charm says strength and on the other side it says courage.  So when I find myself struggling, I can either wear this necklace or just keep it close at hand. 

 

 

"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 



Migraine and Headache Awareness #4: Large Migraine and Headache Hopes

Day #4 Prompt: Large Migraine and Headache Hopes: What large thing gives you hope for living with Headaches and Migraines?

The large thing that gives me HOPE for living with my Cluster Headaches and Migraines is my family (parents, siblings, husband and stepdaughter).  Over the last 5 1/2 years my life has changed so drastically.  Sometimes I look around and I can't believe that I am living this life.  I had big dreams!  Right at the time everything became so bad for me, I had just graduated with my Masters in Mental Health Counseling and got married.  It was at that point in my life where everything I had worked for was finally happening.  And then the next moment it all stopped.  I had to leave my job and my husband became my caretaker.  What a blow that did to me.  And I will be honest, I still struggle with the grief from 'what could have been'.  But through it all my family has supported me.  I live every day because of them.  I keep seeking out new treatments because of them.  And I find the bright side of things in life because of them. 
I hear so many people talk about living life for yourself.  I don't understand that.  When I couldn't see the other side of all of this, it was my family who lived for me, fought for me.  Now I live for them and fight for them.  It is because of my family that I have HOPE of living.  This life may not be what I envisioned, but with them by my side it's perfection. 


"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #3- Small Headache and Migraine Hopes

Day #3 Prompt: Small Headache and Migraine hopes:  What small thing gives you hope for living with Headaches and Migraines?

For me this prompt is an important one.  As one hits the level where their pain becomes chronic and debilitating, it is so easy to lose sight of HOPE.  There are moments when I am in the midst of severe pain where I can't see the other side of it.  Trying to think in that moment that this pain will end at some point and things will be good again, is just to overwhelming.  So in those moments I think of the small things.  If I can just think of one small thing in the moment that brings me happiness or HOPE, I can get to the other side. 

Here are some of my small things that give me HOPE:

-Getting out of bed
-A good night sleep
-A piece of chocolate
-Hearing my cat purr
-Getting through an attack without overdoing medications
-Taking a walk
-Having a good conversation with a family member
-Seeing my family smile
-Smiling myself
-Walking my stepdaughter to and from the bus stop
-Cleaning my house
-Talking with my fellow pain warriors
-Reading a book
-Doing a puzzle

The small things that give me HOPE are things that I used to take for granted.  If I can get up in the morning, then no matter what else happens that day, I am already a winner!!!  I have learned that Hope is only as far away as my last good memory!



"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine And Headache Awareness 2015 #2: Who Helps You Hope

Day #2 Prompt: Who helps you Hope? Which person in your life has helped you most to hold on to hope, despite your Migraines or Headaches and how?


It is hard to pick one person who has helped me most because I have such a great support system with my parents, siblings, and husband.  But if I had to pick one person in my life who has helped me hold onto my hope, it would have to be my dad.  When my Cluster Headaches and Migraines started taking over my life and I started seeking out treatments, it was my dad who began accompanying me to my doctors appointments.  In two years we traveled the state of Florida from Miami to Jacksonville looking for someone who could offer me some kind of relief. 

In the beginning, each new doctor held renewed hope for me.  I remember our visit to Shands in Jacksonville.  I know deep down that we all felt that this doctor was going to bring me an answer.  So my dad and I loaded up his car with all of my medication and my oxygen tank to make the 4 hour drive to Jacksonville.  My appointment with the doctor consisted of 30 minutes of him telling me that  he was not going to be of any help to me.  I walked out of that office, sat down next to my father and just cried.  I was so defeated and felt that I had let down my entire family.  The last thing I wanted to do was to return to reality.  Somehow my father could tell, instead of turning around for home, he treated me to a nice dinner and gave me the evening to get my head back on straight. 

My dad has laughed with me as I got 32 injections of Botox in my face and neck.  He has kept me company during countless hours in waiting rooms.  Most importantly, he has allowed me to lean on him during those moments when I begin to doubt that there is still a reason to hope.  My dad has always taught me that no matter how hard life gets, no matter how severe the pain is; just give it a moment and see what the next moment brings.  Through his support and encouragement, I can always find hope. 



"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association." 

Migraine and Headache Awareness 2015 #1- Favorite Hope Quote

Day #1 Prompt- Favorite Hope Quote: What's your favorite quote about hope, and how does it apply to your Headaches or Migraines?

"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all"    Emily Dickinson


Hope to me is the only reason that I am alive today.  The Emily Dickinson quote above reminds me each and every day how simple it is to live.  When I am tired from the countless doctor appointments, sick from the piles of medication, and annoyed by the lack of progress; I still have hope.  You see, I have heard too many times that a doctor doesn't know what to do with me.  I have been told over and over again that there aren't any current treatments that I can try right now.  And my body likes to send me not so subtle hints that I am pushing myself too hard.  People can disappoint me, doctors can avoid me and life can have bumps at every turn; but HOPE just is.  It exits in the darkest corners.  It soars to the highest points.  And it survives the most painful of days.



"The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association."