Why smile?

If we smile through our pain, are we really suffering?  That is a question that many think but few ask.  Cluster headaches have not left me without a limb, unable to feed myself or with the inability to think on my own. However, it has left me alone in my suffering more times than I care to think about.

Sharing these feelings is difficult, but necessary.  Last week a member of the Migraine and Headache community committed suicide.  She was a young woman; only 22 years old.  She had her entire life ahead of her, but could not imagine facing another day in such horrible pain.  

My heart aches for the loss of this girl.  I have an understanding of her struggles that I wish I didn't.  There are days when the pain is so powerful it is difficult to put one foot in front of the other.  On many occasions I have had to force myself to smile through horrible pain.  It is in those times that I wonder if I am doing myself and everyone else a disservice by putting up such a front.  I get upset because so many people think that because I am smiling that I am better.  The truth is I smile because on the days that I can't it gets harder and harder to find my way out of the darkness.  I smile because I am happy to have made it another day.  To have time with my family and friends.  At times, making the choice to smile is the only power and control that I have. 
While it is hard for me and confusing for others, I will continue to smile and breathe.....